Thursday, October 28, 2010

Don’t Shout, Please

Girls who are, at least, average looking can have sex whenever they want… Or so they say. I have never tried it, nor have I seen a girl do it so explicitly, but I’m pretty sure in 90% of the cases, if a female asks a random guy to fuck her the answer will be “yes, please”.

I know that option exists. Somehow, every time I think about trying, for a night, to be the slutty girl a bunch of guys pass around I think about my brother, his roommate and the hundredth of conversation I have heard from them; they’ve talked about those girls that really doesn’t matter if they’re smart, funny or nazis, they’re willing to spread their legs and it’s all there is to it. Then, I think about how sick to his stomach would my brother be if he knew his little sister was one of those.

So, there it is, that’s the main reason why I keep it under my skirt.

I can play hard to get; I mean, I’m no master but I’m naturally good at it (you know, the shyness and sarcastic jokes don’t exactly yell “I’m not wearing underwear!”). The problem is, I love sex. Even if it is just with myself. If you know where I’m going with this you win a cookie… Or a vibrator, because that’s where I’m going with this.

Just a week ago, I was (very innocently) shopping for a pair of slippers in an underwear store when I noticed they also sell vibrators; apparently this store thinks that if we, girls, are already fitting our pussies into these really tight uncomfortable thongs, the least we could do is thank them at the end of day.

It wasn’t going to be my first vibrator, but the situation was completely different; the first time I went to a sex shop with my boyfriend, this time I was going to go to an underwear store alone. I went from kinky to pathetic. It took me a couple of days to convince myself it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, or better yet, it would be totally worth it.

It went something like this: So, I’m on the store. Now, I can’t just buy a vibrator, I have to buy something else, right? If not, I would be the girl who NEEDS a vibrator. Maybe I could buy winter pjs, which I need… Nope, I prefer a thong. I really don’t have a lot of them and lets just face it, guys love them. Oh! A beautiful pair of thighs that I also need (it’s cold and I have a really cute skirt… Yeah, you know, whatever).Great, now I have something to buy aside from that thing. Man… Now, I really want the thong, and there it is, a really sexy but classy one (if there’s such a thing). Wait! I can’t buy a pair of knickers without the bra that matches, it would break the whole illusion… So you could say I need that bra. Why was I here on the first place? Oh, yeah, the vibrator! Now it’s pretty simple, I will just grab it on my way out, as if it was that accessory that would go great with the whole shopping spree but that I don’t really need (and that’s the key).

By the time I was out of the store I swear I could hear Rocky’s soundtrack playing on the back, but there was one last stop before I had to head home: the supermarket, I needed cereal. That’s how my brain works “I need orgasms… Oh, and by the way, some food would be nice”. Things didn’t go so smooth there, though. The metal detector ratted me out, and some clerk grabbed my bag (I swear I’m not making this stuff up); I haven’t read one single book on etiquette, but I’m pretty sure it’s frown upon to peak inside some stranger’s underwear shopping bag. Luckily, that lady agreed with me and just let me go. 

Once I arrived to the dorms I wasn’t able to erase that stupid smile off my face; when a nun asked me how I was doing I felt like going “Awesome! I just bought a vibrator and nothing happened!”… But I’m pretty sure that would have blew the whole incognito vibe I was going for.

32 comments:

  1. Your posts always get better!

    I like that you love sex, and I'm not trying to be creepy haha, but I like it because now I don't feel like such a freak. Hey, it's on most people's minds 24/7 (or maybe it's just us... lol) so what's the issue in talking about it?

    Anyway, I like your story. I'm pretty brave when it comes to this stuff and I just love seeing the cashier's face, to see if they have any reaction to what I'm buying. (Not that I go around buying sexy things all the time, haha) My friend once asked me to buy her a sex toy because she was too afraid.

    The best part about this is the end when you talked to a nun. Awesome. aha

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  2. Honestly, I am wondering why you are so shy and buy a vibrator instead of looking for a guy for one or even more nights. You're such an attractive girl, you can choose any guy you want! I really don't get it.

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  3. Everyone needs a toy around the bedroom; my wife and I have several. She has given me one and I have given her one. We also have one we can use together during sex, highly recommended.(we-vibe.com/) Sometimes you can gratify yourself better than anyone else. I wish my wife was more into self gratification; it would have made our sexual relationship easier.

    When I met my wife at 24 she had never had an orgasm in her life and that is after have several different partners. She was never really in to masturbation, so she wasn’t too skilled at knowing where and how she wanted to be stimulated. Our early relationship was a lot of testing and playing, to find out exactly what excited her. It took some time and talking before I finally gave her an orgasm. It was mostly a learning lesson for her on how to orgasm. Now, she will orgasm several times every time we have sex. It great for me because sex for me is all about giving please, not receiving. You have no idea how good it feels for me to have my wife screaming with pleasure, it’s what I live for.

    I view self stimulation as a method to practice and learn how to be better between the sheets. You can find out what you like and don’t like which give you better knowledge and confidence in your love making. Once you understand how your body works it frees up your mind to figure out how to best stimulate your partner. So keep it up, you are going to make someone a very happy person. I just hope they realize how lucky they are to have you.

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  4. Kevin tiene razón.

    Por otra parte el relato me ha recordado a esas situaciones cuando internet no estaba tan extendido y uno necesitaba pasar por el kiosko a comprar "las revistas para un amigo". :D

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  5. If this double post, I am sorry. My last post seems to have disappeared. Maybe a blog filter is auto deleting my post?

    Everyone needs a toy around the bedroom; my wife and I have several. She has given me one and I have given her one. We also have one we can use together during sex, highly recommended. (We-Vibe) Sometimes you can gratify yourself better than anyone else. I wish my wife was more into self gratification; it would have made our sexual relationship easier.

    When I met my wife at 24 she had never had an 0rgasm in her life and that is after have several different partners. She was never really in to m@sturb@tion, so she wasn’t too skilled at knowing where and how she wanted to be stimulated. Our early relationship was a lot of testing and playing, to find out exactly what excited her. It took some time and talking before she could reach a climax.

    I view self stimulation as a method to practice and learn how to be better between the sheets. You can find out what you like and don’t like which give you better knowledge and confidence in your love making. Once you understand how your body works it frees up your mind to figure out how to best stimulate your partner. So keep it up, you are going to make someone a very happy person. I just hope they realize how lucky they are to have you.

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  6. @Bree. I was so sure you would understand me! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArUx_-RPqCY Look at 0:13, and imagine me doing that haha
    Sometimes I wonder if the girls who usually make a “eww” sound when they talk about sex or simple avoid it are that apathetic or they’re just ashamed… Either way, I feel sorry for them.
    Oh… And I always talk to nuns, always. It’ fun to know how many things happen on those dorms controlled by nuns; I heard that a girl used to get his boyfriend in by putting him inside a suitcase, the other day I knocked on a girl’s door, told me to come in and she and some friends were smoking pot… And I just bought a vibrator. Those are just the stories I know from a month living there, poor poor clueless nuns.

    @horstkevin. Well… The main reason why I don’t let random guys stick their penises inside me, even though I’m attractive enough to have that whenever I want (thank you for that, by the way :* ) is stated on my entry. I know how guys can be if you just come off that easy.
    Second, there’s always STDs and the risk of getting pregnant. I’m not taking that risk for someone who isn’t going to talk to me the very next day.
    Now, you ask why I don’t have a guy who is willing to stay with me for more than one night… Honey, I ask myself the very exact question. It’s just been a month since I’m here, so it’s not a big deal yet.

    @Juanjo. Bueno, a lo primero puedes leer lo que le respondi a kevin.
    Deja tu, solo comprar condones ya es un arte. Tienes que verte cool, y evitar esa sonrisa de “voy a follar!”

    @Jules. I don’t get what’s happening with your posts, but I do get the email, so don’t worry about it… If it happens again I will just copy from the email what you wrote and post it myself.
    I really don’t get why girls aren’t into “loving themselves”, some of them are shy to even speak about sex (which is sad), but some of them love sex but don’t enjoy sex with themselves (which I don’t know I it’s even sadder) I have a friend who likes to make out with –usually- ugly guys when she’s horny instead of masturbating. I don’t get it. I tell her to use her hand, she tells me it’s not the same and I answer her “of course it isn’t, my way you do get an orgasm and avoid the part when an ugly guy is sticking his tongue in your mouth”, but that’s just me.
    And let me just join the “let’s find a guy who is happy to have me” club.

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  7. Every time you use a vibrator in a nun house God cries. And don't think that those nuns don't know about your shenanigans. They are like those witches in Dune; they can read your mind...

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  8. @Anon. My boring what? (Nah. I’m just messing with you, who am I to criticize grammar?)
    I’m sorry, hon, but I guess not everybody can be Johnny Knoxville (or whoever you may find entertaining)


    @Kristoffer. The poor things are clueless. It makes me kinda sad.

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  9. One day your Catcher in the Rye titles will be individual words. "The" "and" "but" "or"

    You write so eloquently about self-love. I did this whole thing on jerk towels and it was not so eloquent.

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  10. That Hate guy's blog is really good. Nice mix of apathy and revulsion. If both of you would step up your output a bit I could get rid of my TV. Let's work on that.

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  11. @bree "Hey, it's on most people's minds 24/7" - That's what I keep saying to everyone (mostly girls) and in response they stare at me in a way that's translated to "The poor bastard, he has no idea.."
    I don't get it, what's the big fuss about it? Everyone wants to have sex. Just admit to the damn thing. Oh, and @lola, I agree that randomly having sex isn't the best choice. I know I wouldn't like the idea of being where possibly a football team has been previously.

    Casual sex is awesome, but somehow I seem to have been born in the wrong country. Dammit.
    And "your" not boring. I'm actually in love with you and your style :))

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  12. @Alexel ...sometimes i feel i was born in the wrong country too XD

    @lola Loved this story! I do believe that maybe, just maybe, some nun has some vibrators too! And if she does... she's surely an expert on them. =)

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  13. @Pedro Hell yea! Uhm, I mean Heaven yea! I bet there's a real smuggling operation there with vibrators. They must be havin' them in shapes, colors, flavors.. or so they should. Nuns are human too. They have needs!!

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  14. Jesus shaped vibrator? o.O

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  15. At last, this blog is becoming more interesting.

    You underestimate guys if you suppose that average looking girl would have had 90 % chance to have sex. Maybe with average looking guys, but still, there's high probability that it won't happen. We always think we can score better.

    And in matter of random sex...be slutty, don't be afraid. You're probably good lookin' so go for it. Just say to yourself you're satisfying you're essential needs. That should justify it.

    Thank me later. Bye.

    PS: Kristoffer, your avatar looks like Kieran Lee. Coincidence

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  16. @Kristoffer
    You think nuns wouldn't use that thing?? Come on.

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  17. Anonymous is advising you to be slutty; but in reality he just hopes that one day, one slutty girl will randomly ask him to have sex with her.

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  18. @alexel: And you don't. lol. (provided you're male or lesbian)

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  19. @alexel: Well, there's a Obama shaped vibrator out there...why not Jesus? I'm just too afraid to google it...

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  20. @hatehate… Oh, hon! Technically I didn’t write about doing the whole self-love thing, I wrote about buying a vibrator to do the thing. Yep, the actual act is not so witty.

    @WhoeverEveryoneWhatever. Maybe the world would be a better place if we just fucked with whoever the hell we wanted to… But back to our sick sad world, nope… I’m sorry but I’m not the slutty type. I don’t think I’m frigid either, when it comes to it I’m just looking for an above average looking guy (the more drunk I am the more average this guy can be), who plays his cards right; by that, I mean that he shows a little interest while remaining classy, I won’t just ask him to please bang me.
    And I don’t know about the nuns… I’m guessing I don’t want to know since I live with really old nuns, so alone or accompanied sex between elderlies gives me the creeps. But they have been married to god for a really long time, I’m guessing he hasn’t failed them.

    @alexel. Thank you for the not-boring comment :*

    @Anon. It wouldn’t be the first time I “offend” guys through my blog when I call them “simple and/or easy”. Ok, I’m aware that not every single boy would say “hell yeah” to every average looking girl… But I’m talking about most guys (emphasis on the word most); sure they can shoot to the stars and hope for Megan Fox to blow their brains out, but, if, by any change, while they’re waiting, some girl offers them no strings attached sex, they won’t refuse it… I would bet my life on it.
    Ps. Hey! My blog has always been fascinating…

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  21. @Anon.. I had to Google Keiran Lee so, yeah, it is a coincidence. We have the same initials. I guess that would be a coincidence too.

    @Bindu.. No. I see nuns as more of the water pressure type. As in the shower wand with 4 massage settings where "Did I just come? My goodness gracious, I was just trying to wash my pussy" might go down here and there.

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  22. "Did I just come? My goodness gracious, I was just trying to wash my pussy"

    LMAO... haha

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  23. Hey there girl, so, this is the first time i read your blog, I commented some of the recent entries and was just reading these older ones, but I thought I should comment on this too.

    Since I started reading your blog (like 2 hours ago?) I had imagined you as just some random slutty girl, who happened to be incridibly funny (sarcasm is cake to me) and weirdly interesting, but some other posts and specially this one really made me think more highly of you.

    I don't like girls randonly sleeping with guys (unless I'm the guy, call me hypocrate), I would never take seriously a girl who every night goes out to a bar and pick some random guy to fuck, at first you looked like that but, it seems that in truth you just like sex, A LOT, and the plenty of experience you show to have seems to come mostly from this relationship you sometimes mention. I mean, it looks like you are even shy!

    Well, I'm getting sidetracked, what I meant to say when I started this post, was that you are right doing things the way you are.

    Sex DOES have a romantic link, even if we try to ignore that, the truth is that, if a girl has had sex with 100 guys in her life (and the same SHOULD apply to guys, though I guess girls care less about that kind of thing), when she marries someone it just feels... weird, like the guy went to a junkyard, picked the pieces of an old 80s corvette and paid the owner the price of a new one, it's like she's not giving him anything special sexually, and sex is at least tied on top as one of the most important things in a relationship.

    Got sidetracked again, weird writing all that considering you will likely never even get to reading this since it's in like, page 8 or something, but again, keep the way you are, and I just can't thing of an impacting phrase to end this advice with.


    But then again, who am I to tell how someone should be... well, you seem smart, you can decide by yourself, think of this!


    PS: (I know, it never ends, if I ever wrote a boot it would never be finished). I'm posting as anon for today, as this is my first time here and all, but if I end up coming back here more often I will start using my account, your blog seems pretty interesting so I should be here often, weird considering I never liked personal blogs much.

    Well, cya

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  24. I figure you got that image from my last entries, which I don’t blame you at all… Screwing around with someone I barely knew didn’t show the highest of morals and I will defend myself saying that’s the first time something like that happened to me. Normally I’m the uptight girl on the corner watching her friends making out while telling the other guy to please stop touching my neck.
    Even though I do have standards and I haven’t been with that much amount of guys people may think I have… I completely disagree with your point. I think it’s completely unfair to lower any person’s value (boy or girl) based on how many people have they fucked. When someone “slutty” settles down with someone else they may not be giving them their ass virginity or whatever, they are giving them all the kind of shit that really matters (which I won’t mention since I refuse to get corny right now).
    My point is, the fact that I’m not picking up guys at bars should not speak higher of me. I don’t do it because I need some kind of connection to feel comfortable with that other person and it’s not something that happens every Friday night.

    (None of this stuff I just wrote is meant to sound mean, the writing word may sound like that sometimes. I’ll love to read you again… Thank you for passing by!)

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  25. Hey there, anon guy here.

    Don't worry about me thinking it sounds mean, I read niceness into everything.

    About your point that you disagreed with me... well, I DON'T think the 'slutty' behaviour diminishes someone's value as a person, what I DO think is that this behaviour diminishes someone's value as a partner (the romantic kind, but I thought romantic would sound cheesy, even if I'm using it now anyway....).

    But that's always a point of inner debate to me, my brain tries reasoning about how the fact of a girl having a slutty past shouldn't make her a bad person to date.

    But then something inside of me is like... no chance in hell.

    I don't know, I think I will always keep that belief, but maybe, in a very special case, I could give it a try.

    Even if the "something inside" is complaining again.

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  26. @Ramon. I guess we can argue about this for months and wouldn’t make a difference. If something turns you off about a person there’s nothing I could do or say to change your mind.
    It’s like if someone tried to convince me to date a man who dislikes Harry Potter, the guy may be a wonderful dude but I wouldn’t be interested haha
    So ok… Maybe someday you will meet a little whore so freaking awesome that makes you don’t give a damn about her sexual history.

    By the way, I love the name Felipe, that’s how I plan to call a future kid.

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  27. Thanks, I like it too, actually people call me Felipe instead of Ramon mostly.

    And yeah, this is not something you can change through arguing, I guess the most someone could ask of me or anyone else is to keep their minds open.

    PS1: There's only one way someone could dislike Harry Potter, that person would have to be completely uninmaginative, the kind that dislike anything that "isn't real", not my favourite kind of person either.

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  28. Just a few days ago I argued with some dude because he despised Harry Potter… He found the books unoriginal and overrated… He hasn’t read them: I took his whole argument as invalid the moment he told me that.

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  29. The only thing you can say in a moment like that (when he said, 'by the way, i haven't read the books') is:

    PORRA.

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