Friday, December 31, 2010

Practically Children

Don’t let high school labels fool you, there are only two kinds of teenagers: teenage girls and teenage boys, and they are both made of the same image issues, raging sexuality and dramatic mood swings.

Exhibit A: The Teenage Girl and the Eternal PMS.

Long has been since my younger cousin rocked to the Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs tune; the only rocking going on nowadays takes place inside a lockdown room which she rarely leaves. During this Christmas break, I only say my 14 year-old cousin at dinner time; there, she just looked disgusted at her plate of food. She took two bites, her mother accused her of not eating right and hell broke lose, just like every single night: You just don’t see me eat, and what you don’t see must not happen, RIGHT? It’s always the same with you! I can’t take this anymore! Just leave me alone! I HATE YOU ALL!!

Don’t worry about us, though; my family has already survived four teenagers (and last one was me. Believe me, I wasn’t the adorable snowflake I am now). We just dedicated her half a minute of silence until someone cracked a joke.

Exhibit B: The Teenage Boy and the Adventures of the Penis.

One of my best stories. Kids, this is the story of how I discovered 16 year olds are adorable.

My big brother has a second roommate, who I haven’t mentioned because there’s nothing exciting to him… Other than having a rather cute 16 year old best friend. I could tell you the story of how our friendship blossomed but it’s generic as shit: we didn’t know each other, we talked and we got along great. You won’t believe me, but he truly doesn’t look or act as a 16 year old. Just a week ago I decided I had the hots for him (just like that, I’m very uncomplicated) and thought “this isn’t even a challenge”.

It wasn’t… And before I go on, legal age in Spain is 13. Look it up if you don’t believe me!

I swear I was planning of writing how incredibly adorable interesting it all was… But even I have my limits, and this kid’s integrity is one. I will, however, tell you two things: 1)I walked out feeling like all these years I knew moves not even Hugh Hefner dreams of and I wasn’t even aware of it. (OMG! What if I did invent blowjobs?) 2) It ended in a very cliché way: He smoking a joint while telling me what a goody goody he thought I was. If I had a nickel for ever time a guy has ever told me that… I’d have like two or three nickels, whatever.


  1. Finally! your magic number is not 1 anymore!

  2. Didn't know you were such a cougar! Rawr!

  3. @Anon. Should we high five or something?

    @dannifoley. I swear you wouldn’t think he’s 16! I swear! When we all met him (Brother, Roomate and else) he told us his age few days after, we couldn’t believe it.

  4. ಠ_ಠ

    No, en serio.
    Floating down the river.

    He de decir que cuando tenía 20 estuve a punto de beneficiarme a una que tenía 14 y que aparentaba alguno más pero una vez descubrí su edad mi interés desaparecio absolutamente. Supongo que yo me pongo más restricciones que tú. No se si eso es bueno o malo... xD

  5. Floating down the river? Me tendras que explicar eso.
    De hecho, cuando pensé que tenía mi edad no me interesaba… Luego me entere que tenia 16 y… MORBO! :D

  6. My God, I LOL'd so hard with the last sentence.

  7. En realidad quería decir Floating down "a" river. La canción de Incubus, ya sabes, Aqueous Transmission. Y viene de decir "floto", que significa que te quedas, como poco, sorprendido.

  8. You blew a 16 year old? What a harlot! ;)

  9. @MakE. I’m a hoot, right? :*

    @Juanjo. Uy, te voy a quedar mal en cuanto a referencias de Incubus… Pero al menos ya entiendo lo que dijiste.

    @Kristoffer. I… I… Yeah, I guess I did :$ First time too, even when I was 15 I hung out with 18 year old guys.