Sunday, January 23, 2011

Horse Manure

Never do things half way; there’s no fun in being mediocre.

Take me for example, if I’m staying in a stuck-up college dorm… I’m going to stay in the most stuck-up bitch’s dorm of all: all chicks, no guys allowed, hot healthy meals and strict curfews.


During my school break, you know I had to take the opposite track: Brother’s apartment (couch, as an added detail), just-dudes’ place with a fridge full of beers and pizza left-overs.

This place is a cliché of what guys living together means. Let’s put it this way:

  1. I chose one of two bathrooms to keep relatively clean, when I’m forced to use the other one, I’m honestly afraid of catching an STD…
  2. The kitchen… The damn kitchen is always sticky.
  3. Don’t even get me started on the countless times I had to pop my head out the window facing a 0°C (32°F) degree weather just to get away from that mixed smell of pot and sweat.

Dirt, of course, is not the only thing that rules this joke-to-the-health-regulation-system apartment. Let me rephrase… It’s not the only kind of “dirty” going on. I think I make a pretty clear image of what this place is all about just by saying that a few days ago I was woken up by the moans of a 17 year-old girl. Far from me to criticize which teenagers should or should not have sex here; I think there’s a time and place for everything, 8am on a school day is definitely not the time at all.

Funny. I just got to the point where I don’t even care how these thin walls have made it so easy for me to hear everyone who lives here going at it. Yes, of course that includes my brother.

Whatever. Boys will be boys.

I just celebrated my womanhood performing on myself a Brazilian wax and going pantie shopping… I’m not even planning on getting laid, I did it for the estrogen rush.


  1. Boy, this takes me back. One of my ex boyfriends apartments had the very cliche Maxim and Playboy magazines on the back of the toilet, as well as the wall of panties. That's exactly what it sounds like. Disgusting creatures...

  2. This also takes me back... not to so long ago. Unfortunatly since the apartment rented to students was from my family i was the one trying to get things tiddy. Ohh the sasquash like bathrooms ...ewwww. At least we had the decendy to pay a maid to go there for some hours each week. =)

  3. Let me check…

    yep, still male and yet I am disgusted, about the dirty conditions, not so much the sex. I guess that means I am not cliché. Somehow I think I can live with that.

    P.S. That’s why god invented super-soakers and bleach. Again for the dirt, not the sex, but I think it would probably put an end to both.

  4. @danni. Wall of panties… Wall of panties… Oh dear lord. In a twisted way and with a lot of effort some people may mistake used panties as a sexy issue but if I decide to have a wall of boxers people would throw rocks at me.

    @Pedro. I just imagined the laughs these guys would throw at me if I suggested a maid. I’m pretty sure at least one of them would tell me I could get my butt out of the sofa and clean if it bothers me that much.

    @Jules. Yes, there are clean guys out there. I remember going into this bachelor pad a few months ago and it was all tidy and organized… I’d have thought disgusting apartments are just another myth made by the media, but then there’s this place.

  5. Tengo un amigo que vive en un escorial del que huirían hasta las ratas y conozco a otro al que un conocido le pidío el aspirador en una visita fortuita. "Oye, déjame el aspirador, que te limpio esto..."

    Yo soy un maniático con lo del polvo. Maniático y alérgico, así que o recojo o me muero. La opción b no me gusta así que...

    Y el baño. El baño es sagrado, joder. No puedo ir a un baño y estar cómodo si temo que de la ducha salga una cucharacha hablando de Kant. No. Bajo ningún concepto.

    En serio, debeis tener mucha mala suerte algunas porque TAN desastrosos no somos. Bueno, sí, pero la verdad es que eso va por barrios. También tengo amigas que vaya telita con ellas... :D

    "Never do things half way; there’s no fun in being mediocre."

    Esa frase me la enseñó mi primer jefe y me la grabé a fuego. Me encanta.

  6. @Juanjo. Si. No te preocupes, si estoy segura que no todos los hombres son así. Antes de que viviera con estos, mi hermano vivio con un chico que era alérgico al polvo… Ese apartamento era un asunto completamente diferente a este.
    Yo, aparte, soy muy especialita con los olores. O los lugares no tienen que oler a nada o si no que huelan bien. Aquí he llegado a un punto en el que espero entrar y que huela a María, porque si no solo huele a sudor no ventilado.

    @Calvin. Oh, of course. I almost look like a secret agent with a gun when I’m working on the house.