I have this theory… Or philosophy… Or maybe even mental deficiency, who knows; I can’t take seriously long time unrequited love.
Basically I take my set of beliefs about the subject from my very uneventful life and the frail view of love one develops at the age of 12.
Here we go.
In Jr. High I fell for my best friend. I take this as my first ‘serious’ crush since it wasn’t the typical “OMG! He’s like so beautiful and popular, why doesn’t he know I exist…?” He was a very nice, smart, funny and average looking fella. Big mistake: I took his kindness as a sign of interest (you have all been there, right?). That marked the beginning of an almost 3 year obsession in which I thought he would wake up one day realizing how much he loved me.
Of course it was hard. If there was still some dignity in me I would avoid telling you about all those times I pictured him hugging me (aw… Don’t we all miss those days when a hug was erotic enough?), moments later I used to find myself sobbing “why doesn’t he like me?” No. I’m not kidding.
A bit more than 2 years had to pass for me to be emotional exhausted. I felt like I had tried everything to make him noticed me. Everything but actually telling him. So, I did. Good thing I wasn’t expecting much because his first reaction was: Oh… Yes. I already knew that.
A charmer, that one.
Still, best thing I could have done. It was such a relief to not have this “what if…?” weight on my back that getting over him was relatively easy. Again, best thing I could have done. Gotta love that feeling of “Wow! So there’s actually a world full of boys?”. I swear, to make up for those lost years, from the age of 14 to 16 my heart became a two-dollar whore.
After six years, a couple of princes and a bunch of dicks (and by dicks I mean jerks, not actual penises… Ok, I guess there were some penises), I realize how meaningless my love for that guy was; I don’t mean it in a rude way, I still talk to him and he’s truly a nice guy.
You can disagree with me on this one but I believe you can’t develop true romantic feelings for a person without being in a committed relationship. There’s a bunch of bullshit and baggage one doesn’t unpack until he/she is settled in. Worse goes for the youngsters, which was my case. I’ll talk just for myself here; I was clueless on what was I looking for in a guy, which is expected at that age, problem came when my obsession convinced me he was everything I was looking for.
Point being: Years of longing mean years of expectations. With a corny pop song as my background music I used to lay on my bed creating inside my pretty little head these stuffy conversations, adventures, jokes and declarations of eternal love… Basically, what I still do now every time I have a crush. Main difference lays on the amount of time creating this image. Two years gave me the chance to transform this little fucker into a man who was outrageous, witty, liked piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Even though he still is a wonderful dude, I know for a fact he’s not one of those things… He wouldn’t have even got the joke.
I want to say ‘point being’, but I already went for that one, so… Conclusion: No matter how super duper awesome a person is, no one can live up to the standards of so many years of expectations.
I got a great thing out of this situation: A subject for my blog… Yes, of course I’m kidding, what I meant was my repulsion for unrequited love. I may let a guy mess with me in a bunch of ways, but if I notice a sign of disinterest I run away as fast as I can. Someone who doesn’t laugh at my jokes, who doesn’t think my stories are interesting or my perspective on life is fascinating… Or doesn’t want to fuck me every hour, every minute, every day sounds like a bore to me, and definitely not someone I want to be with.
This blog won’t become a self-help crap thing. I just want to share my probably only worth of your time advice: Don’t fall for someone who doesn’t think you’re the shit, it’s not even worth it.