Saturday, January 29, 2011

It isn’t Educational. It’s History. It’s Poetry.

I have this theory… Or philosophy… Or maybe even mental deficiency, who knows; I can’t take seriously long time unrequited love.

Basically I take my set of beliefs about the subject from my very uneventful life and the frail view of love one develops at the age of 12.

Here we go.

In Jr. High I fell for my best friend. I take this as my first ‘serious’ crush since it wasn’t the typical “OMG! He’s like so beautiful and popular, why doesn’t he know I exist…?” He was a very nice, smart, funny and average looking fella. Big mistake: I took his kindness as a sign of interest (you have all been there, right?). That marked the beginning of an almost 3 year obsession in which I thought he would wake up one day realizing how much he loved me.

Of course it was hard. If there was still some dignity in me I would avoid telling you about all those times I pictured him hugging me (aw… Don’t we all miss those days when a hug was erotic enough?), moments later I used to find myself sobbing “why doesn’t he like me?” No. I’m not kidding.

A bit more than 2 years had to pass for me to be emotional exhausted. I felt like I had tried everything to make him noticed me. Everything but actually telling him. So, I did. Good thing I wasn’t expecting much because his first reaction was: Oh… Yes. I already knew that.

A charmer, that one.

Still, best thing I could have done. It was such a relief to not have this “what if…?” weight on my back that getting over him was relatively easy. Again, best thing I could have done. Gotta love that feeling of “Wow! So there’s actually a world full of boys?”. I swear, to make up for those lost years, from the age of 14 to 16 my heart became a two-dollar whore.

After six years, a couple of princes and a bunch of dicks (and by dicks I mean jerks, not actual penises… Ok, I guess there were some penises), I realize how meaningless my love for that guy was; I don’t mean it in a rude way, I still talk to him and he’s truly a nice guy.

You can disagree with me on this one but I believe you can’t develop true romantic feelings for a person without being in a committed relationship. There’s a bunch of bullshit and baggage one doesn’t unpack until he/she is settled in. Worse goes for the youngsters, which was my case. I’ll talk just for myself here; I was clueless on what was I looking for in a guy, which is expected at that age, problem came when my obsession convinced me he was everything I was looking for.

Point being: Years of longing mean years of expectations. With a corny pop song as my background music I used to lay on my bed creating inside my pretty little head these stuffy conversations, adventures, jokes and declarations of eternal love… Basically, what I still do now every time I have a crush. Main difference lays on the amount of time creating this image. Two years gave me the chance to transform this little fucker into a man who was outrageous, witty, liked piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Even though he still is a wonderful dude, I know for a fact he’s not one of those things… He wouldn’t have even got the joke.

I want to say ‘point being’, but I already went for that one, so… Conclusion: No matter how super duper awesome a person is, no one can live up to the standards of so many years of expectations.

I got a great thing out of this situation: A subject for my blog… Yes, of course I’m kidding, what I meant was my repulsion for unrequited love. I may let a guy mess with me in a bunch of ways, but if I notice a sign of disinterest I run away as fast as I can. Someone who doesn’t laugh at my jokes, who doesn’t think my stories are interesting or my perspective on life is fascinating… Or doesn’t want to fuck me every hour, every minute, every day sounds like a bore to me, and definitely not someone I want to be with.

This blog won’t become a self-help crap thing. I just want to share my probably only worth of your time advice: Don’t fall for someone who doesn’t think you’re the shit, it’s not even worth it.

4 comments:

  1. Al que no le haya pasado lo que aquí relatas es que simplemente no se ha enamorado en la vida.

    Comparto la opinión al 110%. Es más, tengo una frase para ese "Don’t fall for someone who doesn’t think you’re the shit, it’s not even worth it" (que en realidad no es mía, me la dijo un amigo):

    No trates como prioridad a quien te trata como opción. :)

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  2. i completely agree with you. you make someone out to be something before even really getting to know them, you're going to be disappointed. it's like that movie he's just not that into you haha - if a guy is acting like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit!

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  3. "Two roads diverged in a wood, and
    I took the one less travelled by,
    and that has made all the difference." -Robert Frost

    One of my favorite poems I like to use when making decisions. It’s an idea that when a decision is made, it’s made and there is no revisiting it. However that decision and the decisions that have been made in the past have gotten you down this path and put you where you are today.

    So learn from your mistakes, but also embrace them. Without those mistakes you would not be who you are today.

    I guess that’s a long way of saying I agree with the overall message of your post, but as you can probably guess by now I enjoy giving long wind responses. :) That’s just who I am.

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  4. @Juanjo. A quien no le haya pasado es que tiene un carisma que se muere… Y siempre ha tenido la fortuna de ser querido de regreso
    Conozco a las de ese tipo… Yo no fui o soy una de ellas.

    @Bree. I just read the book… Is it pathetic that I loved it? I usually dislike self-help books but that one I thought it was fantastic. A little bit harsh on some aspects, but the right idea… Stop making excuses for guys, they are not that complicated: if they like you they will do something about it. Nice. Simple.

    @Jules. Oh, of course… I love every single guy who has been in my life, even if they were jerks. Thanks to them I’m the special beautiful snowflake I am now.
    Give long responses, I like you just the way you are :*

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