Monday, January 3, 2011

A Rude Bastard

If you liked “The Teenage Boy and the Adventures of the Penis” you’re definitely going to love the sequel: “The Teenage Boy and The Girl Wh0’s Going to Cut His Balls Off”.

The other night I spent a very pleasant couple of hours watching “500 Days of Summer” with The Teenager, afterwards we talked about me being an architect and he wanting to be something of that sort since he loves drawing. He then proceeded to draw me some very un-profound shit and confessed me he wanted to be a Super Saiyan when he was 5. The niceness of the night was cut up short when I offer him a quickie and he told me “He wasn’t in the mood”.

You will tell me if I’m blowing this out of proportions, but what kind of 16-year-old boy is not in the mood for sex? I’d have to be some kind of leper for that to happened… And that’s a very low blow to my self-esteem.

Next day, when my brother saw my bloodshot eyes asked me what was wrong; I told him I was very stressed with my upcoming Math final. Not very convinced he assured I was the smartest little fucker in the family and shouldn’t be worried about it. Then I decided to lie (kinda). I said (and this is a true story, after all) last night his roommate (NOT the cute one, he’s the sweetest) took a look to some one or two year-old pictures of mine and told me I used to be way prettier and skinnier, something that normally wouldn’t bother me that much but right now was the last thing I needed… I’ll just paraphrase my brother here: “What does that idiot know? Is he remotely perfect now? Maybe if he was someone who mattered, but him? He’s just pathetic and ugly as fuck”.

I had to lie, you know that, right? I may not be thrown to jail for fucking the kid, but my brother would surely for killing him… And even if it wasn’t that what bothered me, for all intents and purposes it served the same effect. I just had to pretend my bother was talking about The Teenager to make myself feel all better.

Really… Why should I care if he didn’t want to fuck me? He didn't last more than a minute inside me before cumming (yes, I just went there…) and thought my Lolita (and I just named my pussy) was some kind of lottery ticket meant to be scratched.

See, there’s a point when people say being with a younger guy makes you feel younger… But at the age of 20 is just sad to be acting like a 15 year-old: resting my self-esteem on the hands of someone else and worse, bashing him over the internet. If I still have felt my own age I’d had remember how awful being 16 was, since one spends half of the time being mad at the world and the other half mad at oneself, which is already hard enough without someone 4 years older pressuring into having sex… That, and: Any guy who doesn’t think I’m the shit is just useless for his lack of taste….Yes, yes, yes, if it means that much to you, I’ll apologize to the damn kid.


  1. Aww! <3
    Don't take it personally, boys are stupid!
    I once had a boy pass up sex to watch S. Darko. Have you ever seen that movie? It's fucking horrible!
    Talk about feeling like a leper...

    Anyway, what your brother's roommate said was rude, out of line - and oh yeah, absolutely wrong! You're gorgeous babe, don't ever change! <3

  2. Well, sometimes he was just anxious and didn't go for it, probably fearing a fail.

    (By the way, saw your blog on

    Why are you women only deeply affected by our actions when we're not trying to do anything?

    You must understand that no man is that clever, no man can ever play that hard on your minds.

    And above all, that's why men should do the approach most of the time, because we don't think about revenge. I bet now you just want to have sex with this kid to prove he is a shitty lover and then recover your self-esteem.

    Ah, women...

    Finally, I wish I was 20 years old again! Such a nice age... (I'm 28 now, in case you're thinking I'm (just) a horny old creep internet whacko).

    Bye bye

    Narnia Beardy Panther

  3. WHAT? way prettier than now? I pity the poor bastard. Have no fear milady, we'll meet one day!

    I can't help but notice the fact that you named your *ahem* pussy Lolita, and your nick is Lola. It's something like a "Mini Me" version of you. Come to think of it, it really is :))

  4. yeah this 'Narnia Beardy Panther' guy is right(good opinion).

    He doesn't know whats in your mind, same to you.

    I had a girlfriend once and I'm the one that want the break. You know why? She is still virgin and I feel terrible if I'd do something that would make her lost it. For me, virginity is a precious thing that girls have. Maybe he doesn't realize his action,but, if you still wanna a sex then you can ask these third comment 'alexel' for it.

    Trust me, if you could avoid sex before marriage, you will be a women with highly pride and dignity.

    Just my opinion and sorry for my english.

  5. You are blowing this out of proportions, I blame your hormones. Remember I am married, I know how they work.

    Just remember you have had a steady constant relationship for several years to become well practiced in your sexuality, “I knew moves not even Hugh Hefner dreams of.” No matter how mature you think he might be he has not had the sexual experience you have accumulated. You can’t expect him to be completely comfortable with sex when everything is depending on him and you have your expectation so high.

    He is not the first nor will he be the last guy to refuse sex because of performance anxiety. The key is
    1) Don’t take it personal, it is him not you.
    2) If you like this kid and want to make it work you’ll have to put him at ease about your expectations with sex. If you’re looking for someone to rock your world right off the bat, then you should probably go looking with someone who is more sexual mature.
    3) Time to teach. I know you know your body well, so it’s time to teach. Talk about what you like, interlace your fingers with his and walk him through where he needs touch.
    4) Let him take control. Yeah he might not knock your socks off but he has to start somewhere.

    The good thing is he cares about you enough that he wants to perform for you and that’s a start. As the more experienced one you have to take the lead teaching.

    PS. I don’t know anything about this kid, so I could care less if you internet bash him. Heck I know very little about you, but I do care enough to read and respond. Just remember it’s about want makes you happy.

  6. "But even I have my limits, and this kid’s integrity is one."

    "He didn't last more than a minute inside me before cumming [...]"

    Noto cierta mala gaita en ese comentario... :D

    Lola, no le des importancia. Aunque te parezca increible hay tíos que son sexualmente "pasivos". Con pasivos quiero decir que no están encendidos 24/7.
    Pero en este caso me apostaría una mano a que lo que sucedía es que el chico estaba intimidado. ¿Un minuto? ¿Qué crees que pasó por su cabeza? ¿Y su amor propio? Si, vale, se tiró a una chica mayor que él. Ok, pero no porque él lo eligiese. Le tocó la lotería, qué coño. Y duró un minuto. Pfffff, normal que no quisiera repetir. Se llama "miedo a volverla a cagar". Y eso, hasta que se supera... :D

    Que los hay mejores por ahí sueltos, mujer... ;)

  7. @Dani. Nope. I haven’t seen it, but if it included Ed Westwick I already disapprove. I can’t stand that guy. And yeah… Now that I’m calm and cool I think what by brother’s roommate told me was worst than the teenager. Thank you, by the way :D

    @Narnia. First of all, welcome. Second, I know. I fear nobody understood my entry. I overreacted and acted like a child. I explained that on the last paragraph… But, please, don’t just go assuming things about me (you know what they say about assuming, right?). I don’t feel like taking revenge, and I definitely wouldn’t do it by sleeping with him… Doesn’t even make sense. I really don’t have anything to prove anymore, since I already slept with him.

    @alexel. I know, right? I truly believe I’m much better looking now. Not because I’m so hot I could die, but because I was a very unfortunate looking teen.

    @Anon. Sorry I have to say this, but my “precious thing” is a ship that sailed long time ago. It’s probably in China by now. I know that is your opinion, and you’re entitled to it… But, from my point of view, judging a girl’s dignity by how untouched is her body it’s very unfair and sexist (word I chose because I don’t want to be rude). Virginity is overvalued; it’s a choice that doesn’t make anyone better than another.
    You don’t have to worry about your english with me.

    @Jules. You convinced me my entry wasn’t clear at all. I know I screwed up and I was too hard on him. You could say the last sentence I wrote on my post answered almost every comment here. I’ll apologize. I guess my only excuse is that it had never happened to me; I have guys rejected me “their love” but never their penises… I was shocked and offended. What did I do? Wrote my stages of anger… 1. Feel like shit. 2. Feel like he is the one who’s shit. 3. (last paragraph) realizing I was being childish.
    I couldn’t avoid noticing you talk as if I was in some kind of relationship with the guy. I’m not. He’s very sweet and nice, but… The age difference weirds me out. Thank you for caring, Jules :*

    @Juanjo. Si. Completamente aposta. ¿Como dicen? Nunca subestimes la furia de una mujer despechada. Aun que yo se que exagere completamente. Creí que había quedado claro que me sentía mal al respecto en mi ultimo párrafo, pero leyendo los comentarios me doy cuenta que no. Ahora ya entiendo todo lo que paso, y me siento fatal por no verlo desde un principio y hacerlo sentir mal. Me disculpare.
    La verdad, antes que pasara esto yo fui un encanto. Pocas como yo, te lo digo. Bueno, aprovechare que pocas personas entienden español aquí y te contare, pero shhh jaja. Justo después de que se corrió, que dijo “vaya putada”, no se cómo pero me inspire para decir lo más apropiado que se puede haber dicho en esa situación: “Que halago… Debo ser muy buena”. Y la otra noche estábamos los dos con su amigo (el compañero de piso) y se puso a ver porno (el amigo) mientras que el niño y yo estábamos haciendo dibujos sin hacerle mucho caso al otro, y el amigo nos dice “este tio se corrió en solo 5 minutos, que patético, yo duro hasta 20”… Antes de que se le viniera el mundo encima al niño este digo “Seguro porque ni te lo hacen bien”, noté de reojo que el teenager sonrió. Obviamente no creo en lo que dije, pero el autoestima de un adolescente estaba en juego!
    Soy un puto amor o que?
    Te cuento esto y la canción del comercial de Carolina Herrera se me viene a la mente:
    I'm not to be trusted
    I told all of her secrets to all the guys in town
    They all laugh and slap me five
    Luckily she doesn't have dirt on me
    Cause I'm the cleanest guy

  8. He wasn't in the mood!?!?! What a disgrace to men everywhere. Seriously, what a retard!

    He's probably gay (but doesn't know it yet) :/

  9. @Lola: Vaya tela tiene el compañero de piso si se puso a ver porno con vosotros allí. No me jodas ¿no tenía nada mejor? xDDD ¿Las ganas del kiki (en España hemos traducido quickie como kiki :D) no vendrían influidas por la peli? :P

    Por lo que acabas de contar definitivamente creo que sí, que es por eso por lo que no tenía ganas. Estaba asustado. Y sí eres un puto amor, sí. Conozco a alguna que se habría reido sin más...

    Al respecto del comercial: resulta que los tíos contamos estas cosas "sin matices". Es decir, si alguien nos pregunta decimos si nos tiramos a tal o no, que sucedió antes y que hicimos después pero por regla general no el transcurso del negocio. No, a menos que la chica fuese algo fuera de serie o haya esa confianza que solo se tiene con dos o tres amigos.
    Las tías en eso, según me ha enseñado la experiencia, sois diferentes. Soleis contar todo con pelos y señales, así que no te sientas mal por ello :D De hecho hace no demasiado me sentí un poco incómodo cuando vi a una amiga y una ex hablar de mí de ciertos temas incómodos. Aunque a mi favor he de decir que eran halagos... (/fantasmada off) :D

    Definitivamente te tenías que haber venido a Madrid. Ibamos a pegarnos unas risas de cuidado.

  10. Men are stupid. Boys are more stupid. You and Lolita have no reason to fret over a 16 year old boy. You will have a parade of silly guys with silly penises in your future. The trick for women is to know when the one you are with is less retarded than the ones that will follow. Then you keep that one. Godspeed.

    PS. 16 year old boys want to have sex every second they are awake and have a hard time not waking up to sticky underwear when they are asleep. There has to be more to the "not in the mood" story. Maybe he fancies his own gender?

  11. @Calvin. Nah. Let’s be fair. Now that I’m feeling my own age again I think it’s quite understandable. He’s only 16, at 16 I wouldn’t want to be some 20 year old men’s sex toy.

    @Juanjo. Se le va la hoya a ese tipo (al compañero de piso) dice y hace las cosas más inapropiadas que te puedes imaginar.
    Ayer me estaba enseñando fotos de una actriz que le gusta y dijo “Me gustaría ponerle una manzana en la boca y chuparle el culo hasta que le salga sidra”. Dime que eso no es normal, por favor!
    Oye oye, no te he respondido el mail, lo hare… Tengo examen final el 10 y estoy que me va a dar gastroenteritis de los nervios (ahora estoy en mis minutos de descanso), después de esa fecha soy toda tuya.

    @Kristoffer. Thank you so much for taking my side, but let’s admit to ourselves that I was wrong. It’s kinda funny how you forget some things that you already knew when you are mad. Yes, 16 years old want sex, but they are also insecure. I haven’t see him, but when I do I’m going to apologize.

  12. humm ..i don't think you should apologize...
    I consider this rant to be pretty private (even though we read it we don't really know who he is or anything)so why would you apologize? For all he knows you did nothing wrong. Apologizing and then explaining will probably makes things worse. And you know what, you have the right to be pissed off... maybe not much, but a little yes. You just rocked is world he could be a little considerate towards you and go with the flow. Some kid don't know the luck they have... but he'll eventully figure it out. Well, this is just my 2 cents on the matter. Good luck with whatever path you chose!

  13. Well I just saw him yesterday and I didn’t apologize, there was no need because he seemed fine; we talked, watched tv and played ping pong… It was very pleasant.
    I do think I should have apologized if things were still uncomfortable… I got a little mad when he told me he wasn’t in the mood, nothing dramatic but I demanded an explanation making him feel a little bit guilty. I should have just respected his choice.
    Whatever, I didn’t apologize, he seemed fine. Why try fixing something when it isn’t broken?