Monday, February 21, 2011

All I Ever Meet is Witty Bastards

Time to introduce a new character to this monotonous life of mine. Say hi to Obnoxious Little Smart-Ass; since it’s such a long name I’ll stick to calling her Ass Girl (hopefully she will get the wrong kind of reputation.)

From the moment I met Ass Girl I knew we wouldn’t be trading BFF bracelets any time soon. While everybody around me was going gaga about tequila, Mexican guys and Mexican accent she interrupted my 5 minutes of fame to make a very important announcement: “I never cared for accents… They just sound wrong to me, as if they can’t articulate words correctly”. She still parades such close-minded behavior by correcting me, constantly, on my spanish; while it is easy to ignore, I do regret not having a penis just to have something to shove down her throat and make her stop talking.

Believe it or not, that’s not her worst trait…

Ass Girl is the kind of person who doesn’t understand how come she’s not running her own little country by now; after all, from the moment she popped out of her mother’s vagina she knew everything there’s to know about everything.

She would hate this but she’s not even special… The world is full of conceited people. The awful thing about these creatures is that most of them have something to be conceited about. They are either talented, well-read or (in Ass Girl case) both. People often call them smart.

Since I’m being forced to coexist with this dudette, I learned intelligent people are not the ones who can recite an old painting’s author and date, or resolve complex physic problems in a small amounts of time… They are the ones who, on top of every amazing thing they may be able to do, know when the hell to shut up.

I’ll be the first one to blame my unfriendly thoughts on jealousy. Still, there are fascinating people who I not so secretly envy that don’t make me want to slap them... Hard.


  1. Meh. This just sounds catty to me.

  2. and the plot thickens! (one day you'll value having ppl like that around 'cause they spice up your life... even if in a negative way at least you aren't bored!)

  3. "I do regret not having a penis just to have something to shove down her throat and make her stop talking."

    I will have to add that to the, what I can use my penis for, list.

  4. Mejorando las amistades. Así me gusta, Lola... :D

  5. @Tim. Catty? I looked it up in urban dictionary. I don’t know if you’re saying this is just a cat fight or I feel intimidated by another woman. Either way… I will just answer with an awkward “ok”…

    @Pedro. It hardly thickens… I do agree all these people at least give me something to talk about.

    @Jules. What exactly you do with your penis, then? What a waste! I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of mine.

    @Juajo. Hablando de mejorar amistades, por fin te encontré parecido… Sabía que había alguien pero no conectaba ideas. Ya te contare…

  6. @LolaDahl (about Jules's): If you had a penis, it'd be a lot harder to find a throat to shove it in. So yes keeping your hands on it all times (my sister used to tell her toddler son it wasn't gonna fall) is pretty much what you can do with it...
    (read a few entries, love the style, need to lurk more)

  7. I have a penis. Where does she live? I have no problem standing up for you in your time of need. Who says chivalry is dead?

  8. This might be rad. But if you're answer is going to equate into an awkward ok, maybe best not to answer.

  9. @ bob. If I had a penis bitches would plead me to shove it down their throats ;D
    Thank you, hon :* Hope you keep enjoying it!

    @Kristoffer. Wouldn’t that be mean? When a little 5’2 feet girl says it is quirky and fun… A grown man may get into trouble.

    @Tim. Awkward no’s are always an appropriate answer.

  10. As a Obnoxious Little Smart-Ass® myself, I know how annoying we can be sometimes (even ALL the time if we are not careful).

    My tip is, tell her that the fact she thinks herself to be better than anyone else does not make it ok for to act like she is.

    If you can't be humble, at least act humble

  11. Let someone else tell her that. Half of my class already hates her and I refuse to get into any trouble so… I’ll just sit here with some popcorn until some else explodes.