Simple as this: not having a younger sibling gave me no chance to develop the very useful “GET THE FUCK OUT MY ROOM!” attitude. Judging by the fact that I grew up with two older brothers it’s easy to figure out who was the victim of those snaps.
I have no idea how I come off on this blog; I just want to clarify I don’t have that teenage complex titled ‘People suck’. I do like human beings, my problem is that most of them annoy the hell out of me when we’re forced to spend more than an hour alone. That’s normal, right?
So, for all those unfortunates like me who didn’t have a younger brother/sister to practice on, I offer you my super useful guide to get rid of the undesirables.
1. Implicit step*
2. Tell him/her you honestly don’t want company.
What I did here is throw my friend little hints like: “You know… I’m a bit tired” and “I don’t have much else to say right now, how about if we keep discussing this at dinner?”.
Beware: Some people are way too dumb to get hints.
3. Make yourself look busy (outside help may be needed).
I made what I thought was a bulletproof plan. Through my cellphone I asked a friend to get online and asked to talk to me privately.
Beware: It could totally backfired and get this reaction: “OMG! Is he cute? What do you think it could be? OMG! You think he may tell you he likes you? OMG! OMG! Answer him! Ok, I will do it for you [typing] Yes, yes, talk to me”
4. Offer them something in return.
The desperate choice. Have you ever found yourself throwing food at your opposite direction just to free yourself from some irritating animal? Well… This is exactly like that.
You have something they want? A chocolate muffin, perhaps?Just when she was about to give the first bite I shriek “Oh, hon, no! You can’t eat it here, I just cleaned…”
She picked the muffin over me and I was totally okay with that.
Beware: You will be left muffinless.
*Accept the fact that you’re going to die alone.