Monday, March 28, 2011

Goodnight, Handsome

Couldn’t think of a witty intro for this post (didn’t try too hard, either), I’ll skip that and just start talking about my disastrous date with… Ugh, I didn’t even name him, didn’t I? WhoIAllowedToTouchMyBoobies is just as long and inappropriate as TooStupidToAskForAFuckingName so we will just call him  Dude.

After almost an hour of trying to change the fact that our date was going incredibly awkward and just getting “I have so much study to do” as an answer I started thinking my boots were incredibly fascinating and decided to focus on them instead.

I’m a classy chick (or that’s what I aspire to), I wore my best smile and calmly suggested to call it a night so he could go study. I got up but he just looked at me blankly. Since I’m sweet as fuck I resisted the urge to shout “What are you doing? Get up, you little fucker! No need to prolong this crappy night” and instead I blurted an “Are you ok?”

Do you recall this typically used scene on B-rated movies and sitcoms when someone starts crying in front of a very uncomfortable and startled person? It went something like that, instead, he wasn’t crying, he was just pouring his heart out; I, on the other hand, was definitely shocked. He whined about school, his fruitless efforts to achieve the grade, his gigantic fear of being kicked out because of that and not even having support from his ‘demanding’ parents. I listened to him, did my best to make him smile (which I succeed, yay!) and with awkward pats on his knee I assured him everything will be ok; it’s not the end of the world (said the girl with no real problems) but the moment you start believing it is, it will be.

Scene Two. Still holding onto my cool, once we arrived at my place I told him I didn’t want to make things harder for him, we didn’t need to keep seeing each other if he was that busy. I got such a lousy and useless answer that I don’t even remember it correctly, something along the lines of “it sucks to be busy!”, which makes me think he wasn’t aware that I was breaking things up.

He gave me a kiss goodnight and left me a bit clueless on where we stand at, just enough aware to know it’s not my problem to figure out.

At least I’m true to my advice… Whatever the outcome is, it will not be the end of the world.


  1. I wonder how could u keep urself not laughing at the moment he startet whining :D
    If i were a girl (I'd be damn hot one, I bet) and thatd happed to me, I'd just laugh my ass off.
    'cause WTF! be a man, Dude! :D

    nice story anyway

  2. @Dennis: Because she cared about him. Check "empathy" in the dictionary, too. And when you have a minute, don't be a douche cliché (especially if IRL you're not).

    Now, for the adults around. Did you mean to break it up because the date was atrocious (which could come from what was on his mind), because of what he said or mean to say, because of the way he said it, or insert-your-own-here?

    If he cares enough to tell you too much about his problems, do you perceive it as a negative or a positive?

  3. Is this the same guy you started cuddling with without even knowing his name? If so, what the hell? I thought things were good.

  4. I kinda agree with Dennis. If things are on shaky grounds, the guy shouldn't just burst on a whiny rampage. Women don't like men like that. Sorry but it's true, women like confident men who can take charge of their lives and what's around them.
    Lola, looks like you somewhat fancy the guy, or else you wouldn't even have posted this latest rant. He's a geek as you say. It's hard for our kind xD (although I'm one too I really don't show it, just through my work).

    Now, is he making those excuses of being so busy because he doesn't want to see you anymore? That's something you have to figure out for yourself...

  5. I love how all the guys are telling you what us ladies like, hahaha.

    Anyway, you already know how I feel about this subject :P

  6. @bob_super: sorry, but for me that post sounded more like "miserable".
    And yeah, I can't stand guys whining in front of their girls.
    I feel like guy should go and share his thoughts/problems with ur guy-friends (or girl-friends u don't wanna date with), or go get drunk, or go get crash the wall, or sit and think how to solve the problem, or cry all night long. But do not act like that in front of a girl u care and want to date (not sure he was into dating :D).
    Girl should believe in you even when this is the end of the world (which definitely wasn't with all those grade avchieving things) and she should not try make u calm and smiling.

    That whining makes no sense and is miserable. Guys become so soft and I'm so damn intolerant :D FML

  7. Lol, this is my life. I hate when things get so awkward like that, or when people really just do not get what you are trying to say to them.

  8. How nice of you to break things up with him because of one crappy date.

  9. How nice of you to break things up with him because of one crappy date.

  10. You can just delete that double post.

  11. @Dennis. You’re entitled to your opinion on preserving that “macho image”. I, on the other hand, already have dad, I don’t need another one; I want a guy who knows he can relax around me and who’s not afraid to admit things aren’t always peachy.

    @Bob. I didn’t break it up; I gave him the chance to walk away if I was just being another burden… I’m still not sure if he took it or not since he was terribly unclear about it. I will answer the last question confessing I’m kinda hoping for a call… Let see how that goes.

    @Nothing’s Up. Yep, yep. I have no idea, dude… Things were going great… He’s going through some shit that has nothing to do with me but I’m not sure if he’s likes me enough to room for me. Time will tell.

    @Mike. Hold on… Don’t take this the wrong way… You, a man, are telling me, a woman, what women want? Sure, I agree with you on the whole “I already have a pussy, I don’t need another one”; however, I don’t see a guy who admits he is trouble as a pussy; as long as he doesn’t give up, there’s no need t act so though all the time.
    The other point… Normally I would seriously consider this since I’m kind of a cynic when it comes to this subject, however, I know (I have my ways ;D) he’s spending his whole days on campus and he’s constantly stalking me on facebook… Oh, geeks <3

    @Danni. I hear you…

    @Bree. Basically, my standards with guys can be reduced to: Someone who doesn’t make me feel awkward.

    @Tim. I didn’t “break up” (we aren’t even officially together), I told him we don’t have to go out if he doesn’t have the time, if he would have told me (and even now, he still has that chance) he can handle it, I’m sure I’d make my best to work this out.

  12. (mild amusement at machos being rebuked)

    "he wasn’t aware that I was breaking things up" confused more than me then.

    If he had that much on his mind, I can't blame him from being unclear. I would have probably stalled similarly, because the last thing he probably needs is to make major decisions like a break-up on a confused mind.
    You gave him the opening and he didn't take it, so breaking up wasn't his intent. Adding the threat of losing you to his current burden might not have been the nicest way to help him (you mean "don't let me be a burden", he hears "worry that you could lose me").

    That phone will eventually ring, hopefully within a week. Not knowing the guy, I don't know if it will carry geeky rational bad news, stalemate commitment, or good news.

    We'll get a post about it. I hope I'll get to comment on it with another "did it hit you yet?"

  13. I agree with what bob said. I doubt he would have poured his heart out to you if he didn't want to see you anymore. He needed a shoulder to lean on and we all do at sometime.

    I think the important part is that you let him choose the level of commitment he will make. Hopefully he will call in a couple of day and explain how he was just under lot pressure that night and that he wants things to continue.

    He sounds a lot like my wife when I first met her. She always took things so seriously and kept worrying about "what happens if I fail." I had to help her over come this worry, because it added more pressure that made her do worse, which then added more pressure. This downward spiral of expectations and performance anxiety is dangerous and needs to be broken. What they have to realize is that their life is not over if they bomb one test, or all the test. If you have faith in yourself and are willing to work you have nothing to worry about, you will make it in this world.

    The one thing that I taught my wife was that sometimes you just have to say fuck it, is it really that important. The answer is almost always, no. Just make sure this boy gets his priorities straight. I know I would fail a few tests if I could keep from loosing someone I cared about.

  14. I'm not surprised the date was awkward. Geeks, be it mathematics, chemistry, computer science or physics, have little in common with most people in terms of their daily mental environment, if you allow this abuse of terms. I'm not talking about people who just happen to work in those fields -- I'm talking about people who live in them. They may look like regular people to you, they may sit next to you on the bus, but they are really in a whole different world. A world made out of Fourier transforms, atoms, bytes or wavelets. Not a world made out of humans and social interactions, as it is for most people.

    At young ages, due to a mix of underdeveloped social skills and childhood fairytales, they believe they will eventually find the princess of their dreams who will be everything they've ever wanted, and together they shall talk for endless hours about that special world.

    Eventually, it dawns upon them that the princess does not, in fact, exist. Cue in a few awkward, and may I add, failed dates in which the geek discovers that nobody actually gives a flying f/ck about fast Fourier transforms and O(n log n) asymptotic time. What happens next depends on the character of the individual.

    The geek may then retract into a shell, bitterly turning down social contact with females, systematically finding reasons why "she just can't the one" and "how it would just more of the same". Or the geek could simply give up on it, and try to go with someone who isn't quite the princess they dreamt of. Problem solved? Not quite. Perhaps during the day they have a lot of fun and he truly enjoys being with her, but at night, he will look at her as she is sleeping and wonder why she doesn't care about his world, and imagine what it would be to walk around hand-in-hand with her, reciting hydrocarbon names, knowing well that it will never happen.

    Just like photons, creative minds are never at rest. Next time you cross a geek, treat him with respect for he has sacrificed his emotional sanity to devote his life to find ways to make your world a better place by immersing himself into a whole new different world and exploring its numerous intricacies.

  15. poor fella just needs a hug and a friend.

  16. @Bob. You’ll be pleased to know your comment put me on a very good mood. I’ll give him time a week or two for him to focus on his stuff; if I haven’t heard from him by then I will probably try to contact him, and whatever it happens I’ll try not to make a big deal about it.

    @Jules. Exactly what I tried to tell him; getting insanely anxious about an issue isn’t going to help at all. I don’t know if he listen me at all or he was just too sucked inside his own little head.
    I guess I understand that attitude since I’m a recovering drama-queen, since I’m “on my own” over here I’ve really understood things are just as bad as you want them to be.
    He will find a way to contact me when he has the time, I think/I hope.

    @Xarnae. I get where are you coming from but what you are describing doesn’t sound like a “passionate-about-certain-subject” individual… It actually sounds like a depressed person with an obsessive-compulsive disorder. I understand some geeks, just like other geniuses and artists may fit into this category, however, I find completely unfair to label them all as freaks and treat them as such.
    I seriously hope you’re aware of the exaggerated picture you just made and hope even more you don’t consider yourself a “geek” by your established standards.
    Ps. there’s a world filled with girls who would recite the periodic table while you fuck them if that’s what you’re into.

    @ Squint. I know… And I wouldn’t have a problem with giving him a bj to calm his nerves if I had some assurance he’s really into me.

  17. @Lola, hey
    Being a man (or being strong) nowadays means "macho image"? Come on. I just dramatized a bit, but for me there is definitely a difference between "whining" and "sharing".
    Sometimes we all admit, that life is a bitch and I don't say u should not share ur problems, I just say guys should not complain.

  18. Glad to oblige. Anytime.

    Periodic table eh? Not quite my idea of dirty talk (until you get to As, Pb and then the radioelements). Gotta be done right at Nobellium so you don't reach Bohrium. Probably worth trying at least once...

    "really into me" about a BJ did make me chuckle. The optimist in me expects you'll get that assurance soon. Whether you then provide pity BJ or I'm-really-into-you sex (see-what-i-did-there?) is your call. Holding his hand tight may be all the reassuring he needs (though less ego-boosting and less satisfying than a full periodic table)

  19. @LolaDahl

    I might have gotten a bit carried away and grossly exaggerated some things in my previous post. As a slight correction, the mental disorder you might have recognized in that more or less hypothetical individual is not OCD -- it would probably be more something akin to high-functioning autism; then again, it's an environmental thing so I doubt it would actually classify as such. Anyway, the point I was trying to make is that geeks have a hard time finding girls with whom they can really connect with, and this affects them psychologically in the long run.

    Good luck on your future conquest.

  20. Calm the hell down girl, the guy just let some of his worries out, it happens sometimes and he is probably cursing himself for doing it because he thinks you will leave him because of it.

    (What Mike said ahs a bit of truth to it, MOST girls want guys who have no problems, who are always a rock, but then again, MOST girls are bitches, do you want to be one of them?)

    I'd suggest you just let him know that everything is ok, just that, even a SMS or a facebook message would do, and then wait till he's past his problems, or help him if your "relationship" is good enough for that already.

    Well, I don't like telling people what to do about their relationships, but I had to this time, this is the biggest proof he ever gave you that he wants you by his side.

  21. Why can't Canada have more girls like you? haha..

  22. A mí no me lo contaste así, recoño. Me cuentas una cosa y la traducción simultanea me llega un par de días más tarde por aquí.

    Omites detalles y así es difícil ayudarte...

  23. I think you didn't understand me completely. Lola and the guy are at a phase were things are not very clear yet. Would you want to see a girl again if during the date all she did was mop about and whine about her problems? Maybe if she was an emo and you were into that xD
    The thing is, its was like their second date, and he poured his guts out. And for most women, not a good move.
    I have to agree with Dennis. Being strong = macho? The problem is that nowadays there's a big role reversal going on where the more feminine a guy is the better. Women are more assertive, independent and have no problems going for what they want. If a guy comes along that knows his stuff, he is a macho? One simple example, it always seems that the most ugly, nerdy guys get the real hot girls. Why? They're confident, maybe self conscious but don't let that control them, they know how to woo the girl and really make her feel special. It's not a machismo thing bob_super, it's just how things work.

    Ramon, saying most women are bitches? Come on, that stems from bad experiences for sure. There are some monumental biatches out there, but most of them? Understanding women, of course it's impossible :P that doesn't make the bitches. Maybe it's just me, the eternal optimist.

    And Lola, saing that you'd blow him just to calm him down is not the right way to go and can be misinterpreted... Him being a geek and all would probably even thank you and stuff but for most guys that would be a case of: got what I wanted out of her, bu bye now. If you want to calm him down, have a earnest talk with him. I know it can be almost impossible to make someone realize that it's not the end of the world if they fail in a test or are having problems dealing with something... They just need to learn to relax...
    If you really are into the guy jump in head first (no pun intended) and try to get to him, and if he keeps going on like that, trust me when I say, people don't change.

  24. "And Lola, saing that you'd blow him just to calm him down is not the right way to go and can be misinterpreted..."

    Really ? I think that would be pretty clear. A bj is a bj. Come on, is just like a handshake and you know she isn't really into hands-contact.

  25. @Dennis. There’s a difference between being strong and never show your weak side (no matter how strong you are, you still have it) to your girl; that, for me, is holding up to a macho Chuck Norris image.
    If girls have the right to complain, so do guys.

    @Bob. I’m really into you sex ha! :D Well, I heard from him; apparently he was doing perfectly fine, thankful for all the support I gave him. How did he take that date for a “good time” I will never know but I’m ok with that.

    @Xarnae. No. Sorry, I still don’t agree on the “geeks are a whole other specie”. Yes, finding someone you connect with (not just get along with) it’s hard for them but so is for everyone else… Non-geeks may not be looking for someone with a love for logarithmic functions but they look for certain kind of humor, interests, style, blah blah… Falling in love is not easy unless you have really low standards or don’t know what you really want.

    @Felipe. You deserve a pat on the back and “thanks, mate”… Just when I read your comment I thought “to hell with it, I really like this Dude and Felipe must have a point right there”… I wrote him a facebook message, with a lousy joke and “hope you’re doing better”; he wrote me right back saying he was doing a hell of a lot better since our talk. Apparently we are ok.

    @Squint. There are, I’m sure; if they are just like me, then, look for the quiet ones.

    @J. Como te lo conte? Sera que no me hiciste mucho caso!

    @Mike. We have been in more dates than that; I just don’t dedicate a post to every single one of them… Since the date was going bad I got paranoid and thought it was my fault, it was such a relieve to know what was really going inside his head.
    Just like I said to Dennis; no, strong, independent, knowing what you want and all those new adjectives we are adding now don’t add macho… I was strictly answering the “Girl should believe in you even when this is the end of the world… and she should not try make u calm and smiling.” Just like I’d love to be with someone who I don’t need to act like all peachy and cute all the time, I think it’s only fair to offer my shoulder when the other person needs it too, no need to act like nothing affects him, as I said, I’m not looking for someone to take care of me (blame the whole feminist movement).
    I can’t joke about BJs anymore? Whatever, I don’t have to worry about him leaving me after a Bj, since he already got “what he wanted” the night we met. Gotta love college, right?

    @Nah. I’m not sure whose side are you really on. <3

  26. That's why my comments are always interesting. Oh, ice cream! Thanks <3

  27. @Lola, hey
    I definitely have weak sides, girls usually know them without my complainings (fuck my life again :D). Plus I often sensitive and sometimes soooo damn sweet. :) I just never complain or whine to my girls how fucking bitchy my life is or how I'm tired. I guess in those situations guys should be less emotional and more like calm in finding solutions. And I discuss (again: not complaining, just constructive discussion) some of my problems when I need her opinion or advices - sure.

    I can start whining and complaining to make me look miserable for her to hug me and I touch her breasts :D but that's not the case of ur story, as I can see :D

  28. @mike
    yeah, i do think most girls are bitches, but I guess it does depend on what you consider to be a bitch, anyway, I don't think there's any problem in thinking this if you don't let it ruin the way you see girls, it's not like I meet someone new and think "oh well, she must be a bitch anyway", I always give people a chance.

    yeah, I'm cool that way, I'd be a great boyfriend if I wasn't so lazy.

    I do agree a man should not just go out complaining about life like that, actually, I think no one should do that, we have to at least try and be strong and face our own problems. But I do think that a breakdown can happen once in a while to anyone, it wouldn't be fair to leave the guy just because this happened once. If it becomes a common thing or if he is truly depressed or something than you should consider it.