Fuck love. Fuck compatibility. Fuck years of building up a relationship.
Little grasshoppers, you can easily tell if you two are going to get married judging just by the story of how you met.
Don’t take my word for it. TV says so. When someone dedicates a six season show just to tell a story of how He met Her, you know He is going to marry that bitch.
My parents, as another example (a real life one), were at a dinner party; my dad spotted my mom surrounded by a lot of “almost daddies”. He asked if anyone was married to her and when the answer was a definite ‘no’, he made room for himself and introductions took place. You see? Totally PG.
What you’ll read next is an example of how things should NOT play out.
INT. RUSTIC HOUSE; LIVING ROOM
The place is quiet.
A man around his late thirties is reading the paper on the couch.
A girl who’s 9 years old and a boy who’s 6 enter the room in the same quiet manner.
Dad, you’ve never told us how you and mommy met.
(Doesn’t glance at them)
And there’s a very good reason for that, kid.
Come on, the neighbors’ kid told us this lovely story of how his parents met!
(Places the newspaper down)
The neighbors are a gay couple, sweetie… They are not the biologi- oh, forget it!
Both kids just stare blankly at their father.
You really want to hear the story, huh?
GIRL AND BOY
Fine… Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
Mommy and Daddy were… How do I say this nicely? Cuddling… Yes! We were cuddling. Suddenly mommy decided to stop the… cuddling… and said “I know this isn’t exactly the time to ask this but… Do you even know my name?”
(Looks down, ashamed)
Kids, I completely forgot to ask for her name…
I don’t know if it was the vodka-I mean, mommy’s secret medicine- but she just laughed. Then, she whispered her name, shook my hand and added “Nice to meet you”.
I’m going to rephrase my point: by the story of how you met, you can totally tell who you’re not going to marry… Well, when I put it that way my hypothesis doesn’t sound that impressive.
I’d be too embarrassed to tell this story if the dude wouldn’t have called me the very next day to ask me out on a real date.
Which is today.
Now, if you excuse me, I’m sure Cosmo has an article for a situation just like mine. I need outfit&hair advice. Hey! He may not be Future Mr. Dahl, but I still want to look hot, ok? Take it as a public service.