Thursday, March 24, 2011

Terrific to Hold Hands With

What I’m about to share may confuse some of my readers… Others may think it fits perfectly with my psychological profile.

Human contact makes me uncomfortable. I don’t mean sudden hugs, pats on the back or hey-dude-high-five!… I talking about those extended touches.

I can stand it (or even appreciate it) if it either comes from someone really close to me (and I mean really close, like a boyfriend, best friend or my mom) or if I’m horny enough to don’t even remember what intimacy means.
I’ll take a moment here to shudder about the fact that I just used “mom” and “horny” in the same sentence…

Girls rarely agree with me on this; they walk arm by arm, sleep on the same bed, sit on each other’s lap… They just love to touch each other (pun very intended). I swear, if I were a boy I’d spend half of the time that I’m with them with a hard-on…

Just a few days ago I was talking to a girl friend; she was telling me all about this dude who’s in some of her classes and how they like to hold hands… My reaction went something like this: “WHAT? You guys hold hands? Just like that? WHY? Do you even like him? Does he like you? Answer me, you little hand-holder slut!”. By my freak out one would think is his dick what she likes to hold on to.

Let me say this, I’m aware my point of view may be a little bit messed up. I’m not defending it… At all.

But why? Why on earth would you like to hold someone’s sweaty palm for a longer period than a handshake? It’s not an spontaneous gesture of love or happiness, you’re not getting any sexual pleasure out of it. I don’t get why someone would even bother… Unless they really like that sweaty palm.

Yours truly,
Lola “I-haven’t-held-hands-with-even-a-third-of-the-guys-


  1. Does this really happen? As a male and as an American I can say that not a lot of extended physical social contact is made outside of my wife. That being said I have never known anyone to have extended physical contact with a stranger, so this whole concept is kind of foreign to me.

    So yeah this girl who holds this random guys hand in her classes is creeping me out. I would equate this to the kind of creepiness you would feel if you were shaking someone’s hand with first meeting them and in the process they licked the back of your hand.

    I can only think of one exception to my thoughts on physical contact with a stranger. I have at times touched strangers for extend periods of time 3-5 minutes, but in my defense in was in the course of dancing. It would be hard to do a waltz without extend physical contact and yes, it is sometimes with complete strangers. It takes two to tango.

  2. That is really weird... I can't imagine holding some random guys hand for an extended period of time. And this has nothing to do with my apparent intimacy and trust issues, it's just down right strange. Was this how muffin met the muffin man??

  3. @Jules: Being from Southern Europe, I have the exact opposite problem in the US. I need a regular dose of casual physical contact, which I don't get with my coworkers and US friends. Not that I used to hold hands, but for example groups stand more shoulder-to-shoulder on the other side of the pond (hand-holding is a GF/BF or game thing only).

    Between girlfriends, I had extended periods of time where I touched nobody intentionaly, and even the European guys and girls were more weary than normal about contact. I kind of craved it.

    It was actually odd, the other day, when I was walking down the street with a Euro girl from the office, and she just grabbed my arm for a while (and for sure there's nothing behind that). It just feels good, even when it's not with someone you'd ever go any further with.

    @Lola: do girls actually also touch each other when there are no guys around? I thought it was mostly a tease thing.

  4. @Lola: *I-haven’t-held-hands

    But yeah, extended physical contact kinda creeps me out too. And I too include people I'm extremely close to - even my mom.

    I've noticed though that girls indeed crave physical contact far more than guys generally do. Even between themselves. (For the record, I'm a guy.)

  5. @Jules. I didn’t mean with strangers… With friends, I say. For me they would have to be really close friends… I can only think of one, really and she doesn’t like human contact either so not even then.
    Other people… And I have seen it everywhere, it’s not a cultural thing, at least not European, love to hug each other constantly, rest on someone else’s shoulder… Blah blah.

    @Danni. Nah, Muffin and the Muffin Man are actually pretty normal when it comes to intimacy… At least by my standards (which doesn’t speak well for her, really).

    @Bob. I didn’t mean like their boobs or kissed each other (I was just messing with you a little bit)… But yeah! They hug, sit in each other’s lap… Normal shit, really… It’s not bad until they do it to me.

    @Arkaprava. Oh… If you’re planning on correcting my grammar you’re in for a ride. Grammar mistakes are my speciality. However, It’s ok by me, I fixed it, you see? Thanks (:
    My theory is that guys crave it just as much as girls but society hasn’t made it completely acceptable for them… So they accept the fact and instead they fight (in a playful way).

  6. That's odd. Usually holding hands is warm and semi-intimate.

    Just curious - why is this blog in English? You live in a completely Spanish-speaking environment. How did you get so fluent & don't you think in Spanish? Are you switching tongues to remain anonymous to your friends?

  7. Good thing she switched tongues or she would have made it pretty difficult for me to read this, reading spanish makes my brain hurt.

    Anyway, about the text, I kinda know what you mean, living in Brazil... well, touching each other is the most normal thing in the world, even strangers, it's normal for example, to hold a stranger's arm in the street if you want to ask for directions, that caused me little bit of trouble in Australia.

    I am in a middle-ground I guess, for guys, holding hands is something you only do with girlfriends, and when I had a girlfriend, I didn't do it a lot, less than she wanted me to anyway, sometimes I wanted to have this kind of 'innocent' contact, mostly when we were alone, but when we were walking on the street, I really didn't see much of the point of the holding hands thing, it felt to me like it was something couples did just to show off or something, i kind of disliked it, it made it difficult to walk :P

  8. I have to say . . . that's kind of weird. Not wrong, just weird. But then again, I HATE PDA if I'm single (watching others do it) but love it if I'm not. So I'm a hypocrite.

  9. some people just gotta be touched

  10. Es como lo de los dos besos al saludarse. Dos besos ¿por qué? ¿Te los has ganado? ¿Qué te hace pensar que te quiero dar dos besos?

    El clásico saludo con la mano y va que arde, sea chico o chica...

  11. Well it's really a cultural thing, but mostly I think it depends on the person. I first have to trust someone to be able to get cozy with them. I'm also from southern Europe, and people are very warm here. It's normal for friends to hugh and do silly things, even amongst male friends. It's funny though, with my childhood friends, amongst the guys it's very physical, not so much with the girls, mostly because they're the girlfriend of this one and that one of the group, so it's not only respect but just the way things go. But with my friends from Uni, either most are single or not in committed relationships, so it's an authentic buffet between guys and girls... For instance, a lady friend of mine always plays with my balls when we're together... Awkward? Not for us, not with our kind of friendship, we constantly tease each other as she knows I like to fool around... Not that it's a habit for me and not that something would happen between us. Alcohol is another great social lubricant. The things I see people do when they're drunk, inhibitions just go out the window! Like in Erasmus parties... Holding hands and stuff? Sure, with a GF, if she has the initiative, otherwise I can be with someone for months and never do that. Mostly because most of them are just for fooling around nothing serious. As for girl on girl action, just throw in a Summer Festival and booze. And an audience...

  12. @Anon. I have had a lot of blog in the past, all of the in Spanish… No one ever read them. English is the main language on the internet.

    @Felipe. Aw, I do like holding hands with a guy I like… You’re right, there’s no point, but if yI like that person I want to be constantly touching him.

    @Res. I get you completely… I can go from “Ugh, can’t they do that in the privacy of their homes?” to “Don’t like it? Don’t watch, you creep” with just a little help of a male friend.

    @Squint. That sounded… sexy.

    @Juanjo. Ah si? Eres un hombre duro por donde quiera que lo mires, eh? Tus “dos besos” deben de ser algo increíble para que la gente tenga que ganárselos.

    @Mike. I’m sorry you lost me at “always plays with my balls”… oh dear… that’s interesting, to say the least.

  13. xD Just an extreme example. Because holding hands is a really intimate and meaningful gesture, that's why no matter what I do, holding hands is one thing I only do with somebody very special. So, I understand the way you feel about it.

  14. Mike, you have a lady friend who plays with your balls. Just playing, no hidden objectives.
    As Lola said, that's interesting to say the least.

  15. A very extreme example... But hey, who am I to judge?

  16. whats southern europe? spain? italy? france?
    it's not like they're all the same :D

    I find it weird when ppl meet each other and don't shake each others hand but only stand there, look at each other, and say "hi". it's very awkward for me. mostly happens in the US and GB i think.

    two kisses are fine, but i'm not used to it when i've never met the other person.

  17. I have no problem with quick touches... Is the long tender ones that make me uncomfortable. Sometimes.