Thursday, April 21, 2011

Don’t Touch Anything

Believe it or not, I’ve done a little bit of growing up since I left my parents’ house 9 months ago… I’m not talking about my moral compass, of course; it sailed, along with my virginity, years ago (leaving a goodbye note promising me I’ll see them both again when I’m old and boring). I’m referring another kind of growing up, an underrated kind: The Stop being such a little bitch kind.

I miss my family, friends, dog and bed. I worry about not getting the grade, I let myself be disappointed by guys constantly and my period hasn’t been regular for a year now. Meanwhile, a friend of mine is going through the death of a family member due to cancer and my parents’ phone calls have been, more than once, reduced to “Guess how many people have died tragically as a result of the drug dealing war here in Mexico?”; I’m pretty sure people in Japan and Syria aren’t having a blast either.

I said it once; I’ve no problem in saying it again: I have no real problems. Neither most of you, face it.

I’m not against bitching, believe me, I’m a great bitching partner…

Did you just spent a sleepless week studying and you still failed the test?
Let’s swear our brains out while we plan to chew that teacher’s balls off.
Your clothes look terrible because of the half of pound you gained?
Cry as hard as you can, I bet it burns lots of calories.
Did that beautiful cock teaser just say she loves you like a brother?
I say there’s not better excuse to drink until you puke… And then drink again.

However, if you are going to act like believe it’s the end of the world, you will have to excuse me while I roll my eyes; life is too short for me to pretend I care. It does hurt like a bitch but no matter how hot she is or how sweet he was, we are lucky if boy/girl crap is the biggest of our troubles.

The way I see it, in every bad situation (once you’re over the initial shock), you have two choices:

a) Stop bitching and get yourself out of it.
b) Keep letting it mess up with your head and stop bitching, since you apparently enjoy it.


Now that I have half convince you, I won’t look so pathetic when I explain you why am I spending the rest of my Spring Break with my grandparents: I refuse to keep bitching about the same things over and over again.

I mentioned, on January, how disgusting my brother’s apartment was. Ok, it turns out… I didn’t know shit about disgusting; no one knows about disgusting until you find yourself taking a probably useless shower in a tub with dead bugs, pubic hair and some spots I will pretend I never saw. Blame my parents for raising, both, an uptight bitch and a repulsive pig.

Not even The Roommate’s sweet ass is going to keep me here.


  1. Ew, that's absolutely disgusting. Guys can be so gross... Dead bugs - really? *shiver*

    As far as bitching goes, I can be the queen of it sometimes, but I'm of the belief that just bitching it out to get it off your chest is okay. Constantly bitching about it and getting nowhere is a different story. And pointless. And annoying.

  2. I agree with you, when you stop putting so much drama in your life it's amazing how your stress levels fall. One of the best things I did was to get my priorties straight. It's amazing how all that "trival" stuff rules your life, if you let it.

  3. so are you saying the bathroom at your grandparents' house is dirtier than that of your brother's apartment or your roommates' where you live? i didn't really get that

  4. Hi Lolah,

    The action on your blog is quick – from a hopeful hookup to a heartbroken & irked to a second hookup .. within three weeks.
    So my advice would be .. go wild and be slutty – I was suprised that it hadn't already happened.

    Not just because it’s more entertaining for your audience, (& everyone Looves sluts!)

    Because .. you’re young & hot. More than half the guys you pass in the hallways look at you -

    your petal soft porcelein skin & lively eyes and pert, healthy bosom & nice round tush
    and their whole body tells them to approach – to ‘hit that’ .. or find someone similar.

    They daydream about you constantly & try to act nonchalant because being shot down is such a drag.

    They hunger for the pleasures of (your) flesh & want to look into your eyes and gently kiss you, & reach out to feel your heart beat..

    while making sweet, sweeet looove. Their toes would curl for several heated, spasmic moments before collapsing, sweaty and blissful by your side.

    Do you ever truly know and understand a guy if you haven’t felt their excited, growing pants-bulge? .. when they stop talking because the pleasure has overtaken them?

    I think not. I think you should know and understand more people.


    But life is long. Right now you’re like a blossoming flower.

    In 40 years, you’ll be walking down the same streets ..
    successful and healthy, but nobody will notice you at all.

    The body becomes chunky & less athletic. Butts grow bigger & boobs sag.

    The skin gets wrinkly .. & your eyes will be less open & innocent.

    You’ll pass gas a lot, lose muscle tone, develop diabetes.. a pot belly might develop .. It won’t be pretty.

    People will think of you as matronly while staring intently at women in their 20’s.

    And you’ll change inside – so in 2050 you’ll hardly remember that it was ever different.

    You may not even miss it, which seems somehow worse.

    You’ll have plenty of time to play Sudoku &
    watch your kids & hopefully design nice buildings, but the distant future will probably be relatively chaste.

    So .. you’ve been blessed with beauty –it’s perishable! Exploit it! Enjoy every (safe) opportunity!

    Remember – giving physical pleasure is good karma – you can make the world a better, happier place.

    And then tell us all about it. Collect horny, diirty stories to share with us. They’re good life experience. So Judas is sort of dating someone else - that should make it more of a challenge - Pursue!!

    Just my $.02.


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  6. I messed up my first comment on your blog. I must go and bitch about this now...

  7. @Danni. Guys don’t mind rolling in their own poop, we will never understand that.

    @Jules. That’s what I always tell people, things are just as important as you want them to be.

    @Anon. Uhm… No. Do I suck that bad at explaining? My brother’s apartment is gross, it was gross on January and now it’s even worse. I’m staying with my grandparents now, amongst another reasons, because I can’t deal with that much dirt.

    @Willy. I do move rather quickly from guy to guy, I have always suffer from that complex. Enjoy every single minute of it.
    Now, I will feel a lot better if you tell me how do you know about my round tush? I guess it’s just wishful thinking.
    I guess the guys around me will be very grateful that you’re advising me to be slutty.

    @NYCsir. I have no problem with bitching, if a guy does it correctly I may fall in love with him… What I hate is when they actually believe their problems are thaaat bad.

  8. My friend Willie (-a completely different person-) has the ability to know the shape and quality of a derriere by seeing just the upturned nose of a hot young waif as she seductively looks into the video cam. It's a gift.

    And surely he has a good point .. fiine apple-shaped tushies should not go to waste. They should spend ample time bouncing on happy fellows' laps - spreading joy & bliss.

    I've read somewhere .. in the bible .. that if such a chance for Luuve is lost, an Angel cries .. and an innocent sparrow stops flying and falls from the sky .. dead!

    Surely you don't hate angels & sparrows, do you?

    Sure restraint has a place, but Spain is well known as a giant sexual free-for-all. You're probably insulting their local customs by not being more out-there.

    At the very least, you should go topless everywhere in the summer as is the European custom (so I'm told). Please send pictures.


  9. @Lola: Yeah I suppose your right. So long as you have happiness and health most things are just damage control.

  10. What you said there is called growing up. As you get older, you begin to realize that some things that used to bother you, now don't even make sense anymore, and you look at it and go pfff... I don't even know why I got pissed over that...
    I also partially agree with Willy, now is the time to abuse our bodies, they will get saggy anyway so why not taking advantage of them now!? If I ever grow to be old and want to be able to look back and say I don't have any regrets.

  11. no not bad at explaining, i didn't know you were staying with your brother before. simple as that. I haven't been following your blog long enough.

    @Fella: it's not European custom to go topless everywhere. that's just something propagated in the States. the same as german and french girls don't shave their armpits. they do, and many of them shave their snatches, too. we're not in the 70ies anymore.

  12. @Fella. You know, I had to read it twice to get that you were talking about me. Talk about being slow. Ok. I will send pictures of me being slutty, just because you ask nicely.

    @NYCsir. Now you’re getting me.

    @Mike. I’m abusing my body, don’t worry about it. Not too much since I want to still have one when I hit 50…

    @Anon. On vacations, yes, I stay with my brother… Normally I live in college dorm. Woo!