Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Play Itself Was No Masterpiece

Time to make the whole Fucking-A-Nameless-Guy story some justice… Just not in the name of dignity. To be frank, I do it because this will be my only chance to tell a story of two guys fighting over me, especially, since no one ever asks “How did you and that guy, who you dated for about a month, long time ago, met?”

Context: Costume party; open bar, life was pretty great.

Breaking every single rule girls stand for, I went to the bathroom by my own. Once I got out I found a rather cute guy who goes to one of my classes. If you have read my blog long enough you will know my motto is ‘god bless vodka’, luckily, Cute Guy shares my ideology. He flirted his ass off and I pretended not to be wishing for that moment since I first saw him. As I later found out, this guy had a tiny crush on me; vodka, being the adorable social lubricant it is, helped him make a move.

I don’t know if this generation doesn’t stand for a bro code anymore because Cute Guy’s friends knew what was going on and thought it would be cool to mess around a bit. They distracted him by taking his drink, wallet and probably virginity, they were that mean… Then, they brought out the big guns.

“Hey! You’re the Mexican One, right…? You should totally meet Dude, he has family in Mexico… DUDE! Come here!”

Apparently, a couple of stories about my homeland and a three-hour walk around town at a -2°C (28°F) degree weather make a perfect road out of my panties.

You see, without the sex, the story is kinda blah… Which is the same thing I could say about Dude. After another lousy date, this time, without an apparent reason (other than ‘we already wasted our three conversation topics’), I cut the crap and asked him if he was having fun. I received a vague answer, for a change. In case his sweet little mind didn't understand the question, I rephrase it to “do you really want to keep this going?”… This happened:

“It’s the kind of thing you have to think about…”

This is the moment when I used my “biting tongue” ability not to shout: AM I EVER GOING TO GET A STRAIGHT ANSWER OUT OF YOU, FUCKER?
Instead, I went for this:

“I’m not asking you anything complicated and there’s no hidden agenda… It’s simple as: You like someone, you want to keep seeing him/her.”

When he blurted the “I have to think about it” crap again a red light flashed inside my pretty head warning me to run away fast… Since very few things in my life are ever so evident I, literally, turned around and left. We were already at my front door, it wasn’t that dramatic.

I guess I should have seen it coming when he told me he didn’t read fiction… Or novels, for that matter, since they were not a productive way to waste his time. Oh, fuck your productivity, Age of Empires freak!

…I wonder how hard would Cute Guy’s door hit me in the ass if I come back to him.


  1. Nothing shameful about commitment issues.

  2. You should bang him silly - make him groan with pleasure. Guys like that, & it will surely help to overcome his skepticism.

  3. @Tim. Of course there isn’t, sweetie. Oh, and by the way… Puppies. (And you said I never say anything nice to you… There’s nothing nicer than puppies).

    @Anon. Guys like to be fucked? That’s brand new information!

  4. You gotta watch out for them clubs in the UK! Before you know it some bloke has his finger in your butt hole and forces your neighbour in the next queue to smell that finger! Dayum!

  5. I have a hard time understanding what's wrong with dude. You seem perfectly dateable, why the fuck would he think about anything? You should really never talk to him agai. He wasted his opportunity already.

  6. @Monkey. No. Please… Don’t come here… Stay on failbook, I’m begging you!

    @Nothing’s Up. And this

  7. Sorry dear, but your comments generally suck and fall flat. I love you, but you should experiment and put a finger in your chum's butt hole and smell your finger, really, it's fairly special. That or it's going to leave youse.

  8. @Lola, Hey
    All I can say: If a guy wants to fuck you - he fucks you (whether you want that or not :DD)
    There are exceptions of course. Usually retarded ones.
    It'd be funny if u grab him at that door and shout: LISTEN HERE, FUCKER! DO U WANT ME TO FUCK U RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!? OR WHY THE HELL ELSE U WALKING FOR A 3 HOURS AT -2C (WITH NO HAT?! =)) TELLING ME THAT SWEET STORIES!? and in a second u'd say calm: Is this question clear enoguh for u, hun? :D

    He either doesn't want you or he's too shy.
    In both cases I (remember, I'd be a hot curly chick :D) would not give a fuck on that situation. Is it intolerate enough yet? :D

    Why the fuck u promote that finger smelling activity so hard? I bet this is fun and works for you, but stop imposing of your hobby on everyone else. :D

  9. @Monkey. Sorry dear, but your comments always suck and fall flat. I love you but butthole jokes stopped being funny once we were passed 13. Don’t bother commenting again, I’ll just erase it.
    First time I’d ever erase a comment and I’d hate to lose my remove-content-virginity to you.

    @Dennis. I just accepted the fact that it doesn’t make sense. If he doesn’t like me he shouldn’t have ask me out all those times, I didn’t tell him to do it… I tried giving the shy theory a chance but no matter how shy and inexperienced a guy is you can tell he’s interested. This guy was just completely indifferent about it, biggest turn off ever… He isn’t that great to be giving two shits about it.

  10. My cynical self likes to believe that somewhere in a dark room, at the vacillating flame of a PC's status LEDs, a guy is writing a long angsty post about how "he behaved as cool and indifferent as he could, but the girl still didn't seem to like him", signing it off with a ";_;" smiley as he swears never to try to get involved with a girl again.

  11. Glad to be informative.

    Seriously though,

    Don't you think the dirtier parts of this blog are sort of an overshare?

    Everyone is horny and smut-minded .. wants to see your goodies, etc. - but you're letting strangers - some of them people you'd strongly dislike or even be afraid of - know a lot about you while giving nothing in return.

    What if the guys out there fantasizing about you are 50 years old and 400 pounds of fat, or if they're drug addicts or something worse? You're assuming the world is OK to open up to - it seems risky.

    On the other hand..
    How can you be truly free if you can't parade around naked as a jaybird for us? I think it would be empowering. Try it & let us know!

  12. Anon has a point in the first two paragraphes and a boner in the last one. He's probably a 50 y.o. drug addict. Beware.

    I love you Anon, here's an ice-cream <3

  13. @Xarnus. Aw. That would be depressing. Funny we have different perspectives with our “cynical selves”… My cynical self likes to believe he’s now high-fiving his friends because he got me to ‘broke up’ with him and avoided the awkward moment.

    @Anon&Nah. Huh… So there are 50 year olds who are fat, drug addicts and maybe something worse fantasizing about me? And I should do something about it? Well… ‘Let them eat cake’

  14. Don't know about Anon, but mine... sarcasm. In any case Anon did have a point. That doesn't mean you should do something about it. I never said that.

    I was going for a longer answer, but I will save you from that.

    Thanks me and gimme cake, - gimme fire, gimme that which I desire! -

  15. despues te va a andar rogando por una chance es que se ven otra vez

  16. You can't be fat AND a drug addict xD
    Anyway, yes, vodka is a great social lubricant, Amen to that. Too bad it's my kryptonite too. And yeah, maybe you are exposing too much. But what you share here is what you probably couldn't bring yourself to say to real, live, humans. About the Nameless, drop him like a stone, and for good this time. Don't know if he is playing the 'too cool to care' card but it has gone too far. About the cute guy, another party, a few more drinks and you should know if he is still interested hehehe...

  17. Weed is a better social lubricant.
    Also, puppies.

  18. @Nah. My entries “are about relationships and when I do write about sex, it's just words. Reading about sex is a lot different than seeing it in front of you, naked on Sixth Avenue, hailing a cab.”
    I got it from Sex and The City.

    @Ronnie. Nos vamos a ver otra vez. Muchas veces. Conocemos a muchas de las mismas personas, es una ciudad relativamente pequeña, todas las residencias quedan cerca la una de la otra y frecuentamos los mismos sitios… Aquí vamos.

    @Mike. From what I’ve gathered, guys can’t play the “too cool to care”… If they act like they don’t care it is because they really don’t care.
    But I’m not a guy so what do I know.

    @Tim. Amen to that!