Friday, May 13, 2011

Mad with Desire

My best friend and I never agree on guys, which makes it pretty damn easy to stay true to our “Hoes before Bros” philosophy.

I don’t even try arguing with her because, on some level, I’m aware her guys are better looking than mine. She’s really into pretty little guys with six packs who only exist at Abercrombie & Fitch; even though I can’t deny these guys are the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be ♫, they do nothing for me. If I wanted pretty, I’d be licking pussy… My guys have to be rough around the edges; there must be something awkward about them. 

The guy with the girlfriend, Judas, the one I like liked like liked, falls into the “pretty” category. His soft clear skin, greenish almond shaped eyes and perfect white smile make him so delicate looking he almost gives the impression of being a little boy. I didn’t think much of him when we first met, it wasn’t until we talked for a while (and he defended me against Dude’s childish actions) when I became interested.

My relationship with the Cute Guy from my classes was far more animalistic. There’s really nothing to say about his appearance, he’s average. Average height, average weight, dark eyes, dark hair and still, from the first time I saw him, entering my classroom, I thought “fuck, this guy is so hot”.

Making out with him hasn’t calmed my sexual needs at all, neither did the fact that his not-so-close shave left the skin around my mouth sore for three days. Biology takes over me every time I see him in the hallways; I don’t care whether he’s a Sagittarius or if he likes to feed hungry puppies on his free time (no, ok, I’d care about the puppies), I just keep thinking what an amazing set of kids we would have. I swear I rarely ever feel this mating necessity so badly. Of course I don’t mean I want to become a 21 year old mother, I just want to do it like mammals do on the Discovery Channel ♫.

Either I come up with a casual and not at all desperate way to get him into bed or with a good explanation for why was I humping his leg.


  1. "If I wanted pretty, I’d be licking pussy… "
    best. quote. ever. original?

    getting a guy to have casual sex with you without any strings attached has gotta be the easiest thing on the planet... especially since you're freaking hot ;)

  2. Surely you could simply write him a note that says 'Why don't you come to my place after class for a nice, passionate BJ'? That would work ... Unlike everyone else, hot young thangs don't often have this problem. Perhaps you're just being shy?

  3. Wow. I love it when women get all "primal". No, seriously, it's freaking hot. Anyway, I gotta question for you: what position do you think your parrents concieved you in? Yep, I just put that thought in your head :)

  4. @Seiche. I think is original… Although, when someone compliments me this way I start wondering if I did come up with it. Oh and I know, however, that’s why I added the “not at all desperate way”.

    @Myb. That’s not casual at all, hon. I really want to pull some heavy flirting and “one thing led to another”. The problem is, I don’t get any alone time with him, unless you count those “hi!” we exchange in the corridors.

    @NYC. I hate you. That’s it.

  5. Are you getting any vibe off him at all?
    Maybe he's gay..(?)

    One way to tell is simply sit next to him in class. Accidently start playing footsie with him .. then gently take his hand & discreetly place it on your bosom. Let it sit there through the end of the lecture. As you're surely aware, it's filled with magical female energy that should spur his interest.

    Or you could just show up with extra donuts & give him one & see if it gets him to talk. Then subtly move the conversation to nudism, & then something about his penis. Mention your 'secret garden'. These are not common chat-topics so they should get his attention.

    If not, then he's either practically married, or gay, or a eunuch.

  6. @Boo Blover
    If not, then he's either practically married, or gay, or a eunuch.
    Or an ͟ ͟͟͟͞E͟͟͞X͟͟͞P͟͟͞E͟͟͞R͟͟͞T͟͟͞ ͟͟͞P͟͟͞R͟͟͞O͟͟͞G͟͟͞R͟͟͞A͟͟͞M͟͟͞M͟͟͞E͟͟͞R͟͟͞, only caring about the beautiful intricacies of the abstract world, oblivious and uninterested in the foreign concept of real world.

    On another note, I'm never drinking alcohol again.

  7. @Lola. Bwahahahaha XD you just made my week...aww, don't worry...I'll make it up to you when we hang out (that's probably gonna happen, right?)

  8. @lola, I was asking whether it is original, because it sounds like something from a movie :)

    There is a lot that has to go wrong for a hot girl to seem desperate. trust me, we're not that complicated. we don't really think about this stuff at all. As long as you don't come up to him asking "would you please have sex with me/i've been imagining you in my dreams, etc.", you should be fine ^^

    btw: doesn't really add to likeability when a girl comments on something like "you're freaking hot" with "oh, i know", too many of those chicks out there. just a little advise.

    On another note, I'm a little grossed out by the pervy nature of some of the comments here :D
    "placing his hand on your bosom." really?

  9. That's a bit anti-perv of you, Selche.
    That's not very kind, you Puritan troll!
    I'll bet Selche isn't even a real name.

    Hornyness is part of nature.
    And all nature is good.. ..
    Celebrate it, pal.

    She's had a thousand opportunities to squelch it & hasn't. Why be irked by it for her if she isn't bothered herself? The world isn't rated PG.

  10. @Boo. I’m guessing you missed the part where I mentioned I already made out with him… So yeah, I got the vibe.
    However, we don’t share classes anymore. The only times we see each other is in hallways and we are not really that close so we just say hi and keep going.

    @Xarn. No. He’s an architect and a really good kisser.

    @NYC. Are you planning on visiting me? <3

    @Seiche. The thing is, if I don’t come up with a reason to talk to him I will have to pull the “would you please have sex with me?”

    @Dixie. …Ok. I- I *breathes out*… I don’t know.

  11. @EnormousJunk: who is Selche? :)

    the world isn't PG i agree, please refer to my first comment.

    @Lola, how about you pull the old "Hey, I think you look like a nice guy, we haven't kept in touch, I'd like to get to know you better, can I give you my number?"
    Maybe you should also clarify how this "making out with him" came about, since that might clear up the situation a little.

  12. So I guess at this point you are ready to give up the whole moral high ground of not getting into a strictly physical relationship? I think everyone is missing the point it’s not that you don’t know how to show him you are interested, it is that you are not sure you want to. You haven’t been put into the situation where the decision is beyond your control. For example you go to a party and find him drunk and half naked, or the opposite your schedules change and you stop passing him in the hall ways. In either situation the decision would be made for you and you would not have to think about it. However as things are you are at the crossroads of what you “morally” know you should do and what you physically want to do and you are unsure how to proceed. All I can say is life is short enough, if you want him that bad go for it. Just don’t lie to yourself saying everything will go smoothly. If you go into it knowing it’s going to get messy and you might get hurt at some point, then you will not be surprised if it does happen. Just make sure that you really enjoy the good moments and realize that overall when it’s all said and done that it really was worth it. Who knows maybe things will go better than expected.

    PS. I wonder how good satellite images are of roof tops in Spain? ;)

  13. @Jules, so what you are saying is that once in a lifetime a hot chick is put in a position every man finds himself everyday? *gasp* OUTRAGEOUS INDEED!!!

  14. I'd say you can either:
    A: Find some lame common-friend-did/has-something excuse to restart a discussion
    B: Instead of just saying "hi", put a direct hint that you remember fondling having made out (either body language or just comment about him being a good kisser).
    C: Jump him outright. Grab him right there, firmly (gently is optional), pull him to the side to limit the onlookers, get so close that you rub on him a bit and look like you're not gonna stop there, and give him 5 seconds to react/escape/think BEFORE you try kiss him.
    D: Go get drunk in a bar and get jumped by some other random guy. Regret. Rationalize. Blog.
    E: Where the heck are those spare batteries? Blog.

    Let's review:
    A: that's the "good girl", requires patience and may make you look like a fool.
    B: done right, he'll be at least flattered, and unless he's not interested at all, will get you what you want. May come with slutty rep if badly done
    C: Unless he doesn't like you, he'll thank you for it, because that's the kind of things anonymous guys all around the web wish happened to them sometimes. :o) Even if it doesn't happen, he'll be smiling about it. Would change your relationship for sure. You may have to deal with the physical consequences of your actions, there and then.
    D: May be better for the long term. Probably not as satisfying, but simpler situation afterwards.
    E: Simplest, but how much time does it buy you before we see the same post again?

  15. @ Lola. Sure I'll visit you, or I'll buy you a ticket to visit me out here in NYC ;)

  16. @Jules. At this point I’m guessing I’m not making a move; unless I see him at a party drunk and half naked. If that happens I will take it as if it was meant to be and hump him.
    For a second your last sentence freaked me out… Then I remember what I wrote on Danni’s blog.

    @Bob. I’m going for “We will see each other for years at school, so I’m crossing my fingers that we will find each other drunk at a party again… Probably not satisfying and I’ll end up getting bored.

    @NYC. Don’t joke about that <3 I’m already half in love with you.

  17. Lola, there isn't much point in waiting (what if he's waiting too?), just use that great power that you women have and we don't:
    Think of the worst sexual innuendo/pick-up line a guy could tell a girl. Transpose between sexes and imagine you're the one saying that to him. Do you think he's gonna puke and run away? Nah, he's gonna want you there and then!
    Back off from the worst possible, without falling into the usual women's ambiguity trap, and get what you want, when you're both sober.

  18. I think the "waiting" part is the coolest one. Once you had what you needed it starts to decay, slowly.

    Best part of a relationship isn't the relationship at all, but what happens before it.

    My two cents, obviously. Could have been more, but I'm poor.

    P.S.: Ohai!

  19. @Seiche. What’s wrong, honey bun?

    @Bob. You have to understand me here, last time I tried the whole “hey, let’s have sex, no strings… just do me” I got a “Sorry, I’m not in the mood”. I recovered but I’m not really in the mood of being so straight forward anymore.

    @Nah. In these kinds of situations, yes. Chasing after a hot person is kinda fun.
    In a real relationship I disagree. I like the first dates as much as I like feeling comfortable with that person.

  20. You're just surrounded by the wrong guys. Or stop picking the cute-but-picky ones, and go for the quiet ones :o)

    Seriously, a straight man "not in the mood" for NSA sex with you, is either too involved with another girl (acceptable) or needs to hand in his man card.
    I'd try it again, just because no horny woman should ever have to wait.
    If rejection was to happen to you twice in a lifetime (excluding major body changes), you should move. Really far from the dumbasses. Coincidentally, there's an empty place next door, and I never say no to licking clean pussy. (True, It ain't no New York, just the much better Chicago)

  21. I am surrounded by the wrong guys...
    Oh, human relationships are so hard.