Monday, May 9, 2011

My Father was Catholic Once

The most entertaining aspect of living in a college residence run by nuns is hearing people’s reaction when I tell them I do. I’m not trying to mock anybody; if I weren’t living here I’d probably think being a “slave of Jesus Christ” would involve serious flagellation after every impure thought.

Let’s get the record straight: I don’t have to go to church, I can go out on weekends and I don’t masturbate with crucifixes or throw rocks at prostitutes… I don’t even believe in god (but I wouldn’t say that too loud around here, just in case).

To paint you a pretty picture just imagine you decide, along with a group of college students of your same sex, to live in the same building. Some of them, for whatever reason, decide to bring their grandmothers; since it would be rude to tell a bunch of 70 year-old women to get the fuck out, you decide to give them the first floor, while you and your friends move to the top floors. As a way of thanking you for that thoughtful gesture, the grandmas decide to cook food for you, everyday (except Sundays’ evenings, since that’s God’s hour or something). They won’t bother you if you don’t bother them but they’ll still tell you to put a jacket on, because is cold outside. 

Nuns rarely give me interesting stories, however, a couple of days ago I had an interview with the Head of Residence; it was just a formality but it gave me a wonderful opportunity to exercise my “don’t even bother” muscle.

Below, you can read a dramatization of the most relevant moments in which these symbols ‘♪♫’ will replace a “whatever, bitch… I’m not going to argue with you”.

Nunism #1
TheBoss: Is your handwriting always like this? […] Your t, h, b and else are all at the same height, you don’t expand… Do you realize that says something about your self-esteem?
Me: My handwriting in general is big… Doesn’t that say something?

handExample of my handwriting

TB: Yes, it does… It says you are a generous person with potential, however, those t’s say you are afraid to reach that potential… Is that true?
Me:
[My handwriting is such a badmouther] I don’t know… Never thought about that.
TB: I’m just telling you what your handwriting says about you; do you agree?
Me: [♪♫] Ok, yeah, probably.

Nunism #2
TB: Personal question, we never got to discuss it before… How’s your faith?
Me: […shit] It’s ok.
TB: So you believe?
Me: [no] Oh… I don’t know. I don’t think about it.
TB: So you think something that most of the world believes in is stupid…?
Me: [how did you get that from “I don’t know”?] Stupid? No… I’m just not into religion.
TB: Does your family believe?
Me: My brothers and my mother don’t. My father… I don’t really know, I think he does.
TB: You don’t know?
Me: He never talks about it.
TB: Now I see the problem…
Me: [Rude bitch!]
TB: If you don’t think it’s stupid you must believe there’s something out there… Don’t you think it’s important to give it a little bit of thought?
Me: [♪♫] Ok, yeah, probably.

Nunism #3
TB: Even though your mother is Spanish and you have Spanish roots… I’m sure your South American side predominates…
Me: [ohnoshedidn’t! ok, don’t bother, whatev- NO!] Latin American*
TB: Yes, yes…
Me: No. Mexico is not in South America…
TB: [♪♫] Ok, yeah, of course.
Ouch…! She’s good.

20 comments:

  1. those t’s do say you are afraid to reach your full potential.

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  2. My handwriting of half cursive, half print indicates that I am indecisive, but I knew that already.

    And I'm sorry, but is a "t" supposed to be larger than the other letters? I don't get it... Crazy nun. They make me uncomfortable just being near them, I couldn't imagine getting the third degree from one. I'd be sure to say something that would guarantee my one way ticket to hell (if such a place exists).

    <3

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  3. Uh oh...I think I'm the only person here who doesn't hate Catholicism.

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  4. @NYCsir, nope, I don't hate it either. After our separation on good terms we've decided to ignore each other. The odd exception being when Cath -it doesn't object to me calling it cath- barges in in the name of the family, and I have to spend an hour paying it lip service...
    @Lola "faith" or "fate"? (typo or intentional?). Love the random example of handwriting. Hate the handwriting profilers (I should get it done, for the laughs), there almost as bad as literature teachers and God-whackos (in the "extrapolating from details that shouldn't matter" sense).

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  5. i'd be pretty interested to find out about my handwriting and what it says about my personality. Of course taking it with a grain of salt.

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  6. I had a similar discussion with my parent’s priest when my wife and I went to be married. Basically it was determined I have a very strong and well defined faith; however that faith is not catholic. I now consider myself Unitarian and possible borderline Pagan, but not as far as Atheism.

    I think what the nun was trying to do was to get you to think about your belief. Even if you are atheist unless you have thought about why you believe it to be true you won’t have a belief to call your own. You already probably have a defined faith, because basically anything you believe about the world and the universe is faith. You just haven’t taken credit for your faith.

    Or at least that my opinion, take it or leave it.

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  7. @Anon. Those t’s are bitches, how about that?

    @Danni. She studied psychology; since we don’t have conversations very often she has to “study” me somehow.

    @NYCsir. I don’t… Just like I said, I don’t think is stupid/I respect it, I just don’t believe. I’m not at all saying I’m the one who is right.

    @Bob. Faith, of course, faith… I just fail at life. Those are lyrics from a song I love and wanted to include them in my blog somehow.

    @Anon. I have heard several times the size of your handwriting reflects your amount of self-esteem… I highly doubt it, though.

    @Jules. The thing is… I lied to her; I have thought about it hard, I actually enjoy discussing the subject. I wasn’t born being an atheist, I attended a catholic school and for a while had a strong faith. Simply, I didn’t want to lie to the point of “yes! I love Jesus” just to avoid the discussion, although, I did want to avoid the discussion…

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  8. Not that anyone gives a shit, but I consider myself Agnostic/Catholic. I'm not sure if theres a God, but I like to think there is. The Catholic part is the tradition. I love history, and 2000 years worth is a pretty cool :)

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  9. You should record more of these interviews. Might make for a good book. "Tuesdays with Nun"

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  10. @Adam. "Nun for me, thanks."

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  11. I'm a conservative Atheist, how bout that? I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with exposing my picture and my sex life on the internet.

    You can be a prude without being religious.

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  12. @NYCsir. On some level, our train of thought is alike… I don’t know if there’s a god, I can’t be sure of anything; my logic simply tells me there isn’t.

    @Adam. Ugh, I wish; as I said, they really don’t give me interesting stories.

    @M. Good thing you’re not me then, you wouldn’t be comfortable running this blog.

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  13. Blogspot is stupid; it shut down and I lost some info including comments… Whatever, I get copies on my mail so there it goes.
    ---
    M has left a new comment on your post "My Father was Catholic Once":

    I'm a conservative Atheist, how bout that? I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with exposing my picture and my sex life on the internet.

    You can be a prude without being religious.

    -----

    @NYCsir. On some level, our train of thought is alike… I don’t know if there’s a god, I can’t be sure of anything; my logic simply tells me there isn’t.

    @Adam. Ugh, I wish; as I said, they really don’t give me interesting stories.

    @M. Good thing you’re not me then, you wouldn’t be comfortable running this blog.

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  14. Kudos for the handling of passive-aggressive nuns.

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  15. What makes me great at confrontations is that I ignore people. :)

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  16. That's all you can do with some people. You should've told her: "At one point the entire world thought the Earth was flat, and that was a pretty stupid belief."

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  17. so lola, tell me stuff about south america, i wanna know how it is growing up in a spanish country ^^

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  18. @Travington. I was trying to avoid a fight. Of course I could have said a bunch of things ):

    @Seiche. You better be kidding!

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