Saturday, May 21, 2011

My Mother Always Knows it's Me

Second most frequent question I get since I moved here (beaten roughly by “If you’re Mexican, why are you white?”) is:

“How can you be so ok with having your parents this far away?”

Well, I’m not so ok with it; I learned, from a very young age, geography is a bit of a bitch. However, the founder of Skype would be very pleased to know I probably talk more to my mother since I got here than when we were living under the same roof.

I’ve become a girl who tells everything to her mother… *giggles* ok, not everything. Here are some of my best stories that had to be modified in order to make them suitable for my mommy:

Dude and I talked for hours that night […]1, he was so fun. He walked me home […]2 and asked for my phone number.
Conveniently censored:

1and we ended up spending the night together
2next morning

After I “broke up” with Dude I wasn’t really that sad; I went straight up to my friend’s, Grey, room, we talked […]3 and I realized it wasn’t really a big loss […]4.
Conveniently censored:

3 while we smoked weed
4 since everything was funny and nothing hurt

Judas and I walked around town […]5 and we just kept sharing glances and lightly touching our hands, which lasted for an hour or two… He did hold my hand later that night […]6 […]7 […]8, no kissing, though.
Conveniently censored:

5 because Muffin and her boyfriend were fucking in our only hostel room
6 when we were both sleeping on the same bed
7 where Muffin and Muffin Man fucked earlier that night
8 while they kept fucking in the bathroom

That crappy night suddenly got better when I spotted that cute guy from classes. We talked […]9 left the bar […]10, kept talking […]11; he kissed me […]12 but then he said he didn’t want anything serious; I said it was ok and kept talking […]13.
Conveniently censored:

9 and made out
10 to the backseat of his car
11 and making out
12 amongst other things
13 and making out

Do mothers really want to know all the details?

I’m 21, if I’m a screw-up, I’m too old to be fixed. Since I’m not selling my body in exchange of heroine, I see no harm in my mother thinking I’m a straight-edge virgin.


  1. found your blog on Meme. Awesome :)


  2. I used to work with this beautiful young girl some years back who was Mexican and she was totally snow white. I mean, I'm a lighter skinned Mexican kid myself, but she had this creamy complexion and killer style.

    I honestly wondered and asked her if her parents were on vacation or something when she was conceived, but another co-worker's laughter abruptly put an end to that discussion.
    She was really fun and I was totally digging her until I found out she was nine years older than myself. A few years later and it turns out she began identifying more as a lesbian.

    Haha, our mothers were young daughters once upon a time as well!
    Granted, times have changed a bit, but part of me doubts she actually thinks of you as a straight-edge virgin.
    She may really want to believe it if she's the idealistic type, but if she's the realistic type then...

    I'm enjoying reading your blog, by the way.
    You have a cool and sincere writing style that doesn't get as repetitive as some other blogger's as you switch up your format continuously. Good stuff.

  3. For me It's always a challenge when i have a wicked good story that i'd like to share with my family but need to change it a bit because of certain details. In the end it's worth it and both parts are happy. I see that happens to you too. So yes, you're doing it rigth (not that you need my validation anyways)

  4. hey Lola,
    all the mexicans i met in the US talked to me about how being lighter skinned is more desirable for them, and they would keep out of the sun and try not to tan. can you relate to that at all?

    Muffin sounds like fun :)

  5. Haha, I love those phone calls! "Yeah, mom I'm just waking up at noon... No I was up late, uh, studying..."

    At least you can talk about boys with your mom even if you have to censor it a bit. I always avoided the subject to the point thought that I was either a lesbian who was afraid of coming out or just a bit strange for not being interested in boys. Then again, most of the guys I hung out with in college I would have to censor out of conversations completely...

  6. I used to try and hide my sex life from my parrents, but after bringing a few girls home I gave up. To be honest, I never really tried...after a few loud moans, I would just put a pillow over their face :/ oh and one of your commentators asked if you know my age or have seen my pic: 23, and I have Skype :)

  7. you guys skype? crazy shit.

  8. I think it only natural to censor yourself, because conversation is a two way street. Trust me, I am sure your mom could tell you things t0.o

  9. @mathias. Glad you like it <3

    @Martin. I definitely think my mother is the idealistic type. I don’t remember what we were talking about but she left it pretty clear that she thought I didn’t drink. Ever.

    @Pedro. I do appreciate the validation.

    @Don. If by fun you mean hungry for her boyfriend’s penis, yes. Yes.
    Given that just a few days ago I was getting tanned on the roof of my building, I don’t know. But, again, I’m not a good representative of my country.

    @danni. Nah, I do tell her I was up all night partying; they were drunk but I was the sober one laughing at them. I never say I was sober; I just avoid telling her I was drunk too.
    She doesn’t really want to know, I’m sure.

    @Koockie. Thank you <3!

    @NYCsir. Your parents knew you were having sex? That’s so awkward. I really want to spare my parents those moments.

    @Jules. Oh, Jules, that’s just lovely. Seriously, now I have mental images. Thank you very much.

  10. I hate to tell you this, but the apple normally doesn't fall far from the tree.

    You're welcome.

  11. @Lola. I don't know if they knew. Come to think of it, they don't look me in the eye anymore...

  12. I always change my stories, even for friends.

    Quite often, reality is stranger than fiction and not everyone will believe your stories if you tell them like they happened.

  13. @Jules. I know you’re right… I’m pretty sure my mom had some slutty ways in her days. I’m better off without the mental image.

    @NYCsir. Were you expecting a pat on the back?

    @Lee. You’re saying this because of the pee story, right? I still don’t believe it. Those things don't happen on this wonderful world... NEVER!

  14. The pee story is one example where I have toned down the details both to make it more believable and to make it less disgusting, but it is by no means the worst story that I have.

    I'm surprised that out of all the stories I have, that is the one that you don't believe.

  15. Well... You peed on someone without their consent.
    I know there are bad people in this world who do worse things but... I think of you as such an elegant human being.

  16. That was a great and elegant solution to a crude problem.

    Obviously I would never do such a thing if I didn't have to.

  17. You take the whole "farting and blaming it on the dog" to a new level.
    I find you fascinating.

  18. I am fascinating.

    When I was young, the most common thing that teachers would say to me was "Lee, I worry about you."

    They needn't have worried for I turned out just fine.