Tuesday, May 17, 2011

She Marries Him Anyway

I’m currently reading Nietzsche (which makes me sound way smarter than I really am) and I’m noticing he’s a bit of an asshole; even worse when he mentions women. On a chapter, however, he goes on and on about how our (I’m talking to my bitches here) biggest enemy are other girls; even though we have a personal love for ourselves, we still carry an impersonal disgust for women. I so wanted to call him a dick  but, instead, I found myself agreeing with him.

My best friends have always been females and that’s not changing anytime soon; although, if I have to be in a room full of people, I prefer them to be all guys. Not because I’m a horndog looking for an orgy, simply because they are easier to talk to. As if a life of reinforcement didn’t do, these past days showed me Nietzsche had a point.

lamebitchfight#1*
The context here is lame and boring. You just need to know that all the girls from my residence had to go downstairs to help with something; I was on my way but something stopped me. An hour later I ran into a girl from my floor with whom I rarely talk to. She must have had her period or a stick up her ass since she thought it would be nice to bitch about the fact that I didn’t go downstairs; I considered my options:

a) Explain to her what happened. It would lead to her telling me what I should have done.
b) Tell her not be such a drama queen. I don’t have the balls.
c) Apologize. No.
d) … whatthehell, play dead.

I waited for her to finish and kept walking. Didn’t say a word. It was fun.

lamebitchfight#2
I know how this will sound so I’ll start by saying: I like my brother’s girlfriend (not in that way), I think she’s lovely; I’m guessing she doesn’t think I’m disgusting, either. Even so, when we both arrived back in town, after weeks of not seeing him, hell broke loose in a very girly way:

“No. Hang out with her… She’s your girlfriend/sister, of course you have to be with her”

We ended up having dinner, the three of us, at her place; I pretended to fall asleep on the couch, so they wouldn’t feel bad for leaving me alone.
(I don’t want to be a cockblock).

lamebitchfight#3
Back at my brother’s apartment, where his adorable roommate was being handsome as always. He decided to give me this hat that he didn’t use, just because it made me look more like a Mexican (it’s not a sombrero at all but attractive people can get away with stupid comments). When his girlfriend found out, hell broke loose, again, this time including shouting, tears and “you’re such an inconsiderate pig!”; she really wanted that hat and it wasn’t a gentleman move from him to give it to somebody else.

They made up. I have very strict instructions to take the hat and never bring it back.

 

Even though I hate happy couples and want to see them burn, I’m not proud that my mere existence creates such chaos.


*I’m not cool enough to have real bitch fights.

21 comments:

  1. sorry for being slow, on lbf#2 "we" are you and your brother right? and on lbf#3 "he" is the roommate, not your brother right? sorry i dunno whats up :)

    although i dunno really understand how all this supports your/Nietzsche's initial thesis?

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  2. I definitely agree that women are each other's enemies. I went to an all girl's high school and joined a sorority in college, so I saw my fair share of pointless bitch fights.

    My favorite bitch fights are when I am intentionally not getting involved and they try to drag me into it anyway, and then get mad at me for not picking sides...

    Anyway, I'm rather surprised you're not sucked into more dramatic bitchiness considering the all girl living situation. I was very detached when I lived in the sorority house, but drama would always find me just because of the proximity.

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  3. Just hug them and say you are sorry. Throws them off every time. Atleast thats how it works here in the USA, but then most people here are not use to any kind of social physical contact.

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  4. You know what the problem is? Women can't appreciate their vaginas. They fight with eachother not realising nirvana is in between their legs. That...that makes sense, right? :/
    Oh btw, I wasn't joking about flying your butt out here to NY. You just let me know whens a good time for you ;)

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  5. @Anon. Yep, three different women. #3 is the roommate <3
    Nietzsche is just a lame introduction to cat fights.

    @randomdanni. Don’t be surprised… Let me tell you a little secret: Girl drama scares the hell out of me. The whole story starts with an exbest friend from 6grade, who was extremely problematic and *evil* everything she got mad at me; I ended up so afraid of her that I wouldn’t dare to contradict her in any way just to avoid trouble.
    Since then, every time I see drama coming, even if it’s not related to me, I run to my room and hide until it is over.

    @themadchikin. Hi… uhm… pleasemarrymeyou’refunny… bye!

    @Jules. In my head I always image tons of creative ways of getting out of uncomfortable situations… I always end up in shock and doing nothing. Has worked for 21 years so… Whatever.

    @NYC. I guess we don’t like the fact that half of the world also owns a nirvana in between their legs.
    Would you take me to the Guggenheim and the Prada Store by Koolhaas?

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  6. lol international booty call.
    :9

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  7. @Lola. Hey, I have to pay for your ticket here and back. What do you think, I'm made out of money? *Sigh* Fine I'll take you...the whole "nirvana" thing prevents me from saying no :/

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  8. plus you get something for you dough,
    just think of her as a famous high maintenance prostitute ;)

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  9. A cultured prostitute*
    With class...

    Kinda like Julia Roberts in that movie.

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  10. Okay, fine, you can be a cultured prostitue. Or better yet, I can come to Spain and stay at your dorm. That actually makes things alot easier on my end...plus you can tell the other girls that I'm your "boy toy" for the week :D

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  11. I'm not sure the nuns would appreciate it.

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  12. lmao, have you ever even seen a picture of NYCsir or know his age, etc.?

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  13. @Lola Marry you? LOL, gotta return an email quicker than a month first, my love. Then we can talk about marriage ;)

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  14. @Don. No, but he’s taking me to New York *vacant stare* :D

    @themadchikin. I will, I will! I swear :* I’m preparing for exams so I’m a bit distracted.

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  15. Lola, i can see how that clouds your judgement :D
    I love New York :) Giving and receiving, right?

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  16. @Lola It's ok, love, just poking fun. Do well on your exams. I don't want to marry a college dropout...

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  17. @Don. You have one of those tshirts, then? :D

    @themadchikin. No, you will marry a grade A college student! *crosses fingers*

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  18. would that be weird? yeah i know it's lame, but I'VE BEEN THERE. better than wearing them when you haven't ;)

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  19. @ Lola I still don't have that ring... And maybe an email with your REAL name would be great. Since mine is prominently displayed on my blog. <3 love ya

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  20. @Don. *ahem* I have one and I haven't been there ): It was a gift.

    @madchikin. I haven't seen the blog. Well, then! Mine is prominently displayed on my facebook.
    I'm kidding, maybe i'll send you the mail if you behave.

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