Friday, June 3, 2011

Her Next Move in the Game

In a moment of weakness (or clarity, depends on whom you ask) I decided to switch a tutoring class just to fit that Cute Guy schedule. I had no special agenda that included oral sex or other shenanigans, I didn’t even plan on talking to him; at this point, just staring at him and letting out the occasional sigh gets me off... Hell, that worked out fine in Jr. High and I’m not ashamed to admit it’s just as enjoyable in college.

Unfortunately, when I arrived there was just a sit available, in a perfect angle for him to stare at me but not for me to do it (unless I pulled an Exorcist but I heard guys get uncomfortable with that). Instead of paying attention to stuff I may find useful in my upcoming test, I spent the whole hour figuring out how to look sexy while I was flipping my hair, taking notes, pretending to pay attention, turning to the next page; you can’t imagine how stressful that is… I’m just glad I didn’t choke when I tried to give my pen a blowjob.

It’s not uncommon that my thoughts aren’t exactly where they should be. Half of the hours I am inside the library are wasted on updating my sexual fantasies repertory; right now I’m into doing a guy while a couple of his friends are watching… But I’m pretty sure my Physics professor won’t care about that on Monday.

I’m about to find out how well does that diet based on caffeine, aspirins and dirty thoughts work… Wish me luck!

31 comments:

  1. 'I'm just glad I didn't choke when I tried to give my pen a blowjob.' Priceless. This is why I love you so much. Sexy with a hint of self-deprecating humor.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Horndog... lol. Btw, I think you are worth the trip across the atlantic :) and not just because you're a horndog (it's like 95% of the reason, though)

    ReplyDelete
  3. here's a tip for ya. If u r too big of a wussy to initiate contact with the guy, then do it with an accident...you know, knock his coffee out of his hand or headbutt him on "accident". Then you can repay him by buying lunch or somethin. All i kno, is if a very attractive girl did that to me, i'd go for it. If he declines, then he doesn't deserve you. you can move on to another potential "friend with benefits". just don't headbutt every attractive guy you see in your vicinity. that would just be too violent.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @deepintheheart. Thank you (: That pretty much sums up what my sense of humor it’s all about.

    @NYCdood. Well… Thank you, although, I highly doubt I’m that entertaining 24/7.

    @Sun. Yes, I am that big of a wus, but I like to hide it as a “playing hard to get”. Ok ok, to be honest my strategy is to wait until we meet up at a party and pretend I’m drunk. Works every time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Ok ok, to be honest my strategy is to wait until we meet up at a party and pretend I’m drunk. Works every time. "

    Those two sentences make it abundantly clear just how one sided the whole dating game really is. -.- It'd be funny if it wasn't so sad.

    Actually fuck that it's funny.

    ReplyDelete
  6. While the end justifies the means, when applied to girls trying to get boned, I'm not sure that pretending to be drunk to get laid is the best plan. That means:
    - you're the girl that fucks when she's drunk (don't think it won't get noticed by other guys, beware next time you're actually drunk)
    - He's the guy who fucks the drunk girl (says a lot about his character, and if he's got any, you don't get boned)
    Does this sound like a good plan to you?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ya know, the first few entries I read were interesting, but it seems to have deteriorated to a girl whining about how she can't get laid, but doesn't even put forth the effort. I'm beginning to consider un-following the blog.

    ReplyDelete
  8. @dom. I really really want to know what you mean by that. R e a l l y

    @bob. Oh… I was kidding… I was so kidding. I’ve never ever pretended I’m drunk. Aside from two times long time ago I haven’t actually made out with anyone while being drunk. I do, however, find it easier to establish a conversation with a guy and move things that way on just one night (if that’s what I’m looking for) if we are both at a party with that kind of atmosphere.

    @madchikin. I’m hornier than a 15 year old guy but I’m still a bit of a romantic. I’m not going to have sex unless it is with a guy I’m comfortable with and in the right conditions. Not so easy to get, honey bunny. Whining about not getting any it’s a big part of my life, hence a big part of my blog. I have to live with it but you don’t. The door is at your right, thank you for your visit.

    ReplyDelete
  9. @Lola. When you say "entertaining", do you mean sexually? Because if you do, then I'm pretty sad :( I thought I found a girl who could actually keep up with me ;)

    P. S. What's Spain like?

    ReplyDelete
  10. @Lola:

    Well what that sentence essentially means is "if I want to get laid, I just pretend to be more easily available than usually (e.g. drunk) in an environment where it's socially acceptable to be so. (e.g. at a party)"

    Now imagine a guy using that approach. Wonder how hot he'd have to be for that approach to work. He'd probably look so good he still wouldn't get any girls cause all the straight men would beat the girls to it.

    ReplyDelete
  11. oh really? that's a shocker b/c us guys, our strategy is, 'Let's wait until a party and get that girl drunk as fuck!'

    Imagine all the money that could be used to manipulate an area into a romantic scene...gone to alcohol, beer bongs, solo cups, ping pong balls, roofies, alcohol...tsk tsk.
    (kidding abt the roofies O.o)

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's not a shocker, but hearing that there are actually girls who'll pretend that they are drunk just makes it all the more ridiculous.

    Also I really don't understand the american fascination with beer bongs, whatever it is you do with ping pong balls (do I even want to know?) and whatever the hell solo cups are. Ok so mostly I don't understand the beer bong thing because I don't even know what the other two things are. But why can't you guys just drink the stuff normally?

    ReplyDelete
  13. @Dom. It was meant in a sarcastic/ironic tone.

    Beer bong. Priority here is to get fucked up faster than anybody else (within 30 minutes) and then walking around puking on every single piece of furniture and the household pet Wally.
    (Wally doesnt exist. that part is a joooookkkkeee)


    Beer Pong. Ahhh....now THAT is a drinker's sport. (not really). It is mainly a college thing where you fill up plastic (Solo) cups with a certain amount of beer. You line them up like you would pool balls on a table facing the opponent. Then you try to make the ball into the cups and the opponent has to drink if u make it. Look it up. It is pretty fun and challenging too...especially when u r seein doubles.

    All in all, it's all about who can puke at a party the fastest (SARCASM WARNING!)

    u kno us americans, we need to do everything "harder, better, faster, stronger"

    ReplyDelete
  14. Yeah I'm generally quite passable of detecting sarcasm and irony even on the intnernet. That's why I explained why I found it worth mentioning even though it wasn't very shocking.

    Also if the target is to get fucked up as fast as possible why even bother with beer, bong or not? Just take something that consist of 20% alocohol, 30% sugar and 50% water and down that shit. Those drinks are usually easily recognized. They are either pink, neon green or some other color that you'd never associate with food (which is really quite fitting since it's pretty much posion)

    Also I have been too drunk to walk a few times in my life, but I've never really seen anything double. Nor do I know anyone else who has. At this point I'm really starting to think that's an urban legend.

    Beer Pong actually sounds somewhat funny. But so does pretty much anything else when you're drunk. :p Try drunk cycling, it's much more fun than you'd think. Even though it occasionally leads to minor concussions.

    ReplyDelete
  15. @dom. forgot to mention that the first comment was targeted towards lola's comment of my first comment.

    and also, I am a very very very sarcastic guy. Add another very in there, i missed one. It would be safer to assume that everything i write has some sort of sarcasm within it.

    and yes, beer pong is very fun. so is circle of death. they are very common social drinking games in the college circle down here.

    and the only times i have ever seen doubles is when i was intoxicated and also high on a different drug...usu green.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Now a circle of death is something I only know from my metal phase. And it's definitely not something I'd expect to be very popular outside of a concert. ^^ Though for a country still prejudiced against homosexuality, the US seems to enjoy watching full body contact between muscular sweaty dirty males quite a bit (american football in case that reference was unclear)

    Also being sarcastic is just like being hipster, you don't talk about it, you just are. If someone doesn't get it, that just makes him/her stupid and thus secures your dominant position. No need to explain yourself. ;) Otherwise the internet would miss out on so many epic "I art more sarcastic than thou and I shall prove it by being sarcastic while saying this" battles. Which would leave us with pretty much cats, boobs and vaginas only.

    By the way I'd like to inform everyone who is actually still reading this, that I'm not normally wasting so much of my time writing nonsense on the internet. It's just that I have an exam tomorrow and need to distract myself from the fact that I should really be studying right now.

    ReplyDelete
  17. lol wow what a coincidence! I have an exam tomorrey too! ^.^

    well anyways, i am often misunderstood in text based communication so I like to clarify. I definitely do not fit under the hipster category. In fact if you want to categorize me, just put me under asian. And i am not being sarcastic to show off superiority...it is my sense of humor. I'd like to preserve some kind of rhetoric along with the sarcasm since it's nice when people understand my jokes.

    and whoa dude, i think you got the wrong the circle of death there. The one im talkin about involves a beer can, a deck of cards, and a group of friends.

    ReplyDelete
  18. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3IVKjG0aAk&feature=related

    That video shows a few examples of the circle of deaths I'm talking about. Yours don't really seem to deserve the name tbh ;)

    My exam is on the political system of switzerland, yours? ^^

    ReplyDelete
  19. You guys are the dictionary definition of this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ83EBh3r7g

    ReplyDelete
  20. Yeah I know, ever since I've seen that video I've gotten even worse cause I now know that it's a pretty common syndrome. :(

    ReplyDelete
  21. I have a mid term exam on Animal Behavior and one in Organic Chemistry

    and yeah lol...the game we play is def not a contact sport. And last time i was at a concert, i got jacked up trying to save my drunk ass roommate from gettin beat to shit in one.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Also we've had a long day, we deserve a break.

    Sounds like you go to the wrong concerts. Or maybe have the wrong roommates. I can't say I've never gotten into fight, but at least the three black eyes I've had in my life all resulted from accidents. ^^

    What exactly are you studying to have both those two classes? ^^

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am a biology major. Organic is a requirement for the grad school i want to go to and animal behavior for the elective requirement.

    and she's the kinda person who likes to get wasted fast and usu on the car ride to the event if she can get away with it.

    ReplyDelete
  24. @lola i cannot stop watchin that video. thank you for condemning me to another all nighter and too much caffeine.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Stop whining Sun, Lola and I live in Europa. Depending on where in the US you live we're about 6-10 hours ahead of you. It's 20 past 12 here. :(

    Also I'm all out of caffeine -.-

    So you want to become a zoologist?

    So your roommate is a girl and she still almost got beat up at a concert? Defininetly the wrong concert then.

    ReplyDelete
  26. That must be the worst spelling error in an attempt to write Definitely I've ever seen. Didn't think it'd be one from myself. -.-

    ReplyDelete
  27. @dom lol, yeah i should stop whining. it s 7:30 here but i kno it s gonna end up as an all nighter regardless of her.

    and i m applying to pa skool.

    shes the kinda girl that puts herself in very bad positions. she goes "drink hunting" where she tries to find as many guys to buy her free drinks. one situation got a little nasty when one guy got too frisky and i tried to pull her out. she put her whole body weight on me and we both fell along with her vodka mixed drink all over my face and shirt. needless to say, i dont like her very much.

    good luck on your studying. i think im gonna go out and join a couple friends on a pilgrimage to wednesday wing night. woo wings!

    ReplyDelete
  28. @ NYC. Right now the weather is kinda shitty, to tell you the truth.

    @dom & Sun. I hope you both did well on your exams… Seriously :*

    ReplyDelete
  29. Thanks. :) Are yours over too?

    I probably passed. If not I'll write the test again in september, no biggie. Tbh I've pretty much given up on my major anyway. It won't get me a good job and It's no fun anymore either. I don't like the thought of having wasted two years of my life so I'm going to finish my Bachelors degree. After that I'll probably start a new major.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Just wanted to say I got a 5 on my test :D In Spain that'd be a 2 and in the US a B I guess. In case anyone is still reading this, did you pass too sun?

    ReplyDelete