Thursday, June 9, 2011

In Love with Knowledge

I reached a 100th followers and this is my way to celebrate it

titulo

To every girl who has picked
the name of their future kids after having a nice,
10 minute conversation with a guy
& to my mom, just because… Hi mom!

Note from the Author

I don’t know how to flip my hair to get guys attention and, apparently, I missed the “shake that thang” lesson. Being socially handicapped, I have no advice on how to get a man; being, then, a shy nymphomaniac I was forced to develop a mentality to survive the constant deception: whatever, if I’m not getting myself under him, I will just get over him. On that subject, my fellow cunt, I do have advice.

you’re enjoying yourself,
admit it

I don’t need to know your situation. You’re loving it. Even if it’s just deep down.

Call me a shallow twat, if your will, I don’t get to have layers; I simply confess I j’adore crushing on a guy. However, these days being dramatic is the new interesting and people consider liking someone a burden; that’s cool, whatever suits you… but if this is your situation, please admit you somewhat enjoy it. It will be our little secret…

You must enjoy an aspect of it; you wouldn’t be in this position otherwise. Perhaps you don’t enjoy the anxiety involved and I’ll be the first one to admit not being liked back is a kinda shitty. Nevertheless, if you’re a bit like me, you find relieving there’s someone so funny/hot/smart/whateverrocksyourworld out there.

I’m pointing all this crap out just to make you accept that you’re in whatever situation because you want to be and, just like that, if you really want to, you can get out of it.

is it ‘luv <3’? seriously, bitch…?
seriously?

Hey. I get it, you want to make this guy special from the rest. How are your friends ever going to take you seriously if you don’t make up some kind of soul mate or spark bullshit? That’s why I’m prescribing you a big dose of skepticism with a side of cynicism.

Unless the guy has proven he can be trusted with your feelings, whatever you’re having it’s not that big deal… It’s just wishful thinking. He’s not that awesome. He’s not that different. Your conversations are not that deep and meaningful. You’re not that alike. You’re not that into him, you’re into the idea of being with him.

if it’s not fun,
it’s not worth it

People affect you just as much as you let them. I bet you’ve thought you found “the one” before meeting your current one; I bet you’ve felt you wouldn’t be able to move on until you did… And if you’re reading this I’m predicting you are alive and, therefore, haven’t died from being so in love or from the heartbreak that comes afterwards.

Let me tell you a little story: This female friend of mine (she doesn’t need a cute nickname) told me, not so long ago, I couldn’t possibly understand the pain of longing for a guy because I’m always having “such great times”. Well… yes. Yes. She’s right. It’s not that guys fall for me (ha!), I get rejected and disposed just like she does, big difference between us is that I don’t expect guys to change their minds: fuck them. Being emotionally incapable of liking you shouldn’t be in your “perfect man” list.

(I’m assuming you’re young and carefree… Since it’s my only area of expertise)
Stop believing your love life rests on some higher power. Be reckless and stupid. Imagine yourself years from now, popping out kids and having to be responsible for some else’s sake. Do you want your memories to be about that awesome guy and his awesome music taste (whose memories won’t be about that girl who only liked “as a friend”) or some impressive shit that would be illegal to tell your children?

My methods shock the romantic types, I know. Before you get the wrong idea, consider yourself warned: jumping from guy to guy at bars won’t bring you happiness; however, is equally foolish to expect a stable relationship to do that for you either.

(obligatory ego buster section)

I really believe that you don’t need anybody who doesn’t think you’re so fucking awesome you must poop rainbows; they would bore you on the long run.

Please tell me you’re not the kind who needs a “you deserve so much more” speech. Come on, dudette… You own the pussy and the titties, guys dig that. You don’t need anybody saying you deserve someone who gives a shit because you already know it; you probably do poop rainbows. 

15 comments:

  1. love is overrated. easiest way to make a guy look like a fuckin idiot.

    and i dont poop rainbows. I poop awesomeness.

    btw and fyi, i believe most of ur followers are guys, so.....

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  2. I know but I'm better at advising girls...
    However, I'm cooking an entry just for you, males... It doesn't involve my boobs, though.

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  3. its ok, im a hips/legs man anyweays

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  4. Ass hips legs pls. I'd like to keep some standards here.

    Also I like faces. That probably comes off as the worst perversion of them all in this context but I genuinely care more about pretty faces than anything else.

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  5. It's not the face, it's the look in her eyes. A bored top model is not as sexy as a slightly-chubby girl that gives you the "we're gonna remember this" look.

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  6. You should probably see a doctor about that rainbow colored poop, it can't be healthy. ;)

    Other than that, good post I could not agree with you more.

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  7. You always say that you are "socially handicapped" or that your "social skills sucks". Do you suffer from some kind of phobia or is it just something you say 'cause it sounds cool ?

    I'm just curious. I suffer from (a light form of) agoraphobia and (therefore) sociophobia. Your situation would be pretty understandable to me.

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  8. Can't wait for the post directed at males =).
    Awww ...my days as a romantic twat... how i put my love interests up high like Goddesses. Now i look back and can't help to let go a silly little giggle. A person is always learning and moving on, and i still have a lot to learn too! (you give some good pointers here ...even if primarily directed at girls)

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  9. I find it strange that we are the same age.

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  10. @sun/dom/bob. Even though I agree seeing the desire in his eyes (in my case is a he) is freaking sexy and what closes the deal; an attractive face is the first thing we notice.

    @Jules. I’m just too pretty do the regular poop.

    @Nah. In all seriousness I’m just really shy. I get uncomfortable with people rather fast and it takes me a long while to actually talk to them without sounding like an idiot.

    @Pedro. “Romantic” guys could actually use some of my advices but, from what I’ve learned, they find it easier than us to move on… Oh well.

    @Oli. I’m hoping you are not insulting me.

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  11. Attractive face huh? Well damn im fucked.

    well, how about some personal advice for me? (even though I am older and that automatically qualifies me as wiser and better at advice giving)

    I've been terribly scarred from a bad relationship and been out of the game for a very long time. I fold my hand before I get a chance with a potential pair-bond mate (pardon my biology nerdiness...It's not even a complex "makes me look intelligent' word) b/c I get petrified of the thought of another relationship. What perspective could you give me that would help me reverse this? Grow a pair of hefty man balls?

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  12. I'm baackkk!!! Lola, what's going on here? I leave for a few days, and all of a sudden your Blog entries become as huge as my...ego. Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. It's still all interesting, though. Oh and btw, it was 95 degrees here in NY ;)

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  13. You are a great advisor. I like the way you put the things in a silly way sometimes. Love is for fools to let go their emotions. Leave the tension of refection aside. We have to take the risks to be happy.
    Keep up your brilliant sense of humour!

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  14. You are a great advisor. I like the way you put the things in a silly way sometimes. Love is for fools to let their emotions go. Leave the tension of rejection aside. We have to take the risks to be happy.
    Keep up your brilliant sense of humour!

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  15. @Sun. I guess the only advice I can think of is to realize you are the one who has the problem… And try to keep it in mind when you are getting to know a new girl. If you get the sudden need to back out think if you are doing because there’s something really wrong with the girl or because you have trust issues.
    I don’t know, man, the way I see it you are already half way there since you already know what and why is this happening to you.

    @NYC. Sometimes I have a lot to say :D

    @ Vera. Thank you, I guess you can sum it up in: don’t take yourself or others too seriously.

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