Thursday, July 14, 2011

Sticky and Sweaty

I’ll just say it: I like porn. Shocking, I know; girls not only like sex, girls like watching other people have sex, who would have thought.

The thing is that I’m also into kink; sometimes I worry I’m not so into conventional sex as I should, but that’s really just between me and the Lord (that’s how I’m calling my future sex partner).

Having those preferences do make, looking for porn, on the internet, an interesting adventure. Since people seemed to enjoy reading what was going through my head while I did something as boring as studying for math, I figured you’d enjoy this treat too.

Trust me, you can’t make this shit up.

0010. Come on, tubegalore, you must have something good for me today.

0011. Bizarre…? I’m not sure my stomach is strong enough to handle this category.

0012. Double blowjob; double fisting; double toying; double penetration anal; double penetration pussy… Damn, if one dick in one hole isn’t enough, you know you have problems…

0014. Saggy tits; sailor; sandwich…!! There’s porn about sandwiches?

0017. I’m going with Lesbian Gangbang.

0028. Oh no… They are going to get a baseball bat into…? Oh, they are… Now I feel bad this poor girl got fucked over with a bat and I’m just going to close the tab.

0030. I just hate these stupid ads all around, they make me lose my focus!

0031. OMG! Is that the Little Mermaid having sex with his father? How is that even possible!? I’ll just click it to…

0032. Well, of course it was spam! Man, I’m like those old people who actually think they are the 10.000.000th visitor!

0038. Bobbi Starr has such a nice set of teeth… She’s adorable… Huh… I think it’s time for a little of testosterone!

0045. Is he going to pee on her? Oh, man! This was such a pleasant video until that happened! Ok, I’ll just pretend he’s cumming.

0046. That would be a lot of semen.

0047. Ok, this is not even normal pee.

0048. No. This isn’t possible; that’s a hose strapped on to a dildo. I’m closing this.

0055. Are hairy pussies in again? How come nobody told me?

0058. It’s just not fair! There are a lot of hot girls doing porn and I can’t get a single attractive dude? How hard is to get a young guy to agree to get paid for having sex…? Instead I just have to look at these lovely young ladies sucking the cock of a midget!

0059. Let’s face it, I can’t afford to have standards.


  1. That is one hell of a 40 minutes. You're very picky for someone watching porn, most people don't get past video 1 or 2...

  2. > [i]It’s just not fair! There are a lot of hot girls doing porn and I can’t get a single attractive dude? How hard is to get a young guy to agree to get paid for having sex…?[/i]
    You see, it's all about the mentality; if instead of offering you were asking for money for sex, then the guys would probably be all over you like flies over shi--honey. Of course, that's a joke, but I wouldn't be surprised if our society was sufficiently skewed for that to work.

    Oh and,
    ┌[xarnae@xarn-laptop] [~/Videos]
    └─> du -h porn/
    19G porn/
    ┌[xarnae@xarn-laptop] [~/Videos]

    The "G" suffix stands for gigabytes, of course.

  3. So what were you doing for the first 10 minutes?

  4. Random thoughts as I read that:
    - Watching too much porn drives you towards kink, because really, the slutty-looking girl getting pounded for an hour in 15 positions without anyone ever seeming to enjoy any second of it until the money shot, does get boring. Doesn't change what I do in the bedroom, but when just watching, something else than desensitized body parts in motion does becomes necessary after a while.
    - Double stuff, bats, I guess they can't find even bigger guys anymore, and maybe they think if they put more stuff in, the girl may stop looking like she'd rather be clipping her toenails. I'd rather not rub myself on another guy, even inside a hot girl.
    - Never saw it, but I'd be surprised if there wasn't Ariel&daddy porn somewhere (trivial per rule 34)
    - 3 minutes of peeing? You're more resilient than I'd ever be.
    - If you want to see the guy, watch gay porn I guess. Haven't seen the face attached to a dick past the second minute of any straight video (except for the 12th position change or so, 2 seconds tops). Or maybe the cute guys just don't have the physical attributes for the business... :)

  5. Hey LD, I'd like to get your opinion about women and hen nights...There's a forum at where some girls say it's ok to touch and suck a male stripper in a club they go with friends.

    Where do you stand in this issue?

  6. Oh also a couple more tips:
    1. Use firefox with adblock plus and you won't see 99% of the ads. It also has "private browsing" so you can safely browse porn without leaving a trace of it on your computer.

    2. Google "dancing bear" for the type of stripper parties that I meant earlier.

  7. Humm ..i know a dog called Lord XD hahaha.
    BoB_super is right with that first point... watching porn sort of draws you to go kink.
    Yes, hairy pussies are in again! I watched the "boom" of it grow (grow like hair??? humm ..ok, bad pun)

    Nice post all around =) Take care!

  8. Ok, a) very few porn stars are actually very pretty. Look closer...

    And b) YOU are very pretty and can afford to have standards, and don't ever think other wise!

    c) Disney porn totally freaks me out, talk about raping your childhood.

    Love you! Miss our chats :( <3

  9. You're going to call me "Lord"? Huh...okay :)
    In all seriousness though, I had no idea girls actually watch porn like that. I feel left out of the loop :( BTW, I can't speak for all guys, but bushy is not cool (not to say I never had a "hairy experience", or two), but being trimmed on top, and away from the lips is cool. An ex of mine was like that...going down was fun, because it looked like I had a mustache :D

  10. @G Berry. Depends on my mood, really. Sometimes I don’t need videos, sometimes I need 2 hours of them.

    @xarnae. So a guy would prefer to pay for sex instead of receive money for it…? Interesting creatures.

    @Jules. Buying myself dinner and lying to myself.

    @Bob. Do we watch the same porn, though? The porn I have watched has a girl pretending to have an orgasm just by giving a guy a blowjob… I always find myself thinking “come on, girl, you can’t be enjoying it that much”.

    @Mr. Y. Huh… Does the male stripper agree to this? If everyone is conscious and up to it, I see no problem.
    If you’re asking me if I’d be able to do it, then I don’t know… I get a bit shy showing “love” on public.

    @Pedro. Thank you (:

    @Danni. Ok, so not a lot are beautiful, but they are hot and young.
    Then, talk to me! I’m online! <3

    @NYCdood. The way I see it, that’s for the girl to decide… Shaved dicks are easier to give head to but if they’re in their natural state I wouldn’t mind. We should all just be happy to be there.

  11. @LolaDahl: It's rather easy to explain. Stupid people (i.e. probably most of the plebe) tend to believe that because something is expensive, it must also be better. Since sex (in the context of prostitution) does not have intrinsic value, the perceived value tends to be the same as the offered price. Therefore, most men will consider that a prostitute that charges more is better than a prostitute that charges less.

  12. xarnae, some companies make billions on that perception. For prostitution, it's probably "she couldn't be that expensive if she wasn't good", which only works if you have knowledge of returning customers.

    On the other hand, I wish I was getting paid for sex. Not that I pay for it, but my job ain't nearly as fun of an income source.

  13. Lola, her voice-over is pretending to have that orgasm, her eyes are usually telling a very different story.
    Girls faking too much have the opposite effect (on me at least)

  14. @Kristoffer. No idea… I didn’t click on it :D You’re welcome to do it at tubegalore.

    @xarnae. Well, yeah, in that context it does make sense… However, the situation I thought it was being discussed was, especially, give MY male sex partner money or ask him for some.

    @bob. Oh, I hate overacting too, on that we do agree.

  15. @LolaDahl

    2 years after breaking up with my last partner, I too have expanded my porn viewings in some rather odd categories.

    And there really is some weird stuff going round the web.
    Namely live action tentacle sex scenes. And space alien sex.
    Plus the number of Simpsons, Family Guy, Disney, Cartoon Network,and just about any other animated cartoon series having its own porn version.

    But looking at the amount saved on my hard drive is somewhat depressing (3Gb, 3,296 files)

    Thats not to say of all the bookmarked and favorited on my browser.

    I think i need to meet someone soon...

  16. How bad is that I know each and every weird sex you mentioned? Is that popular everywhere or are we porn soulmates?