Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Skinny Legs

Still on my summer break, I have invested a lot of my precious youth on Tumblr – also known as, blog wasteland; where all the internet jokes come to die. I’m not surprised of my newly found addiction, since it fills those lazy afternoons with Harry Potter jokes, porn and puppies; also it’s the only place I can, accurately, say “I’m following Joseph Gordon-Lewitt”… Which, not trying to sound pathetic here, it’s all I ask for in life… Of course, behind every great site, there are a bunch of kids trying to fuck it up. In this case, the “Special Snowflake” kinda gal has made Tumblr, her bitch.

I know the special snowflake syndrome, I went through it when I was 14 (and I mastered it in black eyeliner and Hot Topic clothing)… But the hipster revolution has only made it worse. You know, the trend that has made people my age, and older, desperate to stand out in the most absurd and irrelevant ways… Like listening to underground music. Shit, most of the songs my grandfather listens to are unknown and he has never been a dick about it.

Teenage girls, really embrace this fashion because they are looking for a way to define themselves… And what a charming way they found:

I’m not like other girls.

Well, that’s nice.

Do they fight crime at night or have chocolate milk coming out of their nipples? Nah. This is, generally, what distinguish those mystic creatures:

Hi! I love videogames! I’m not obsessed with clothes, I only own a pair of shoes and I, rarely, wear make up. I don’t count calories, actually, I love cheese burgers! I’m the complete opposite of any kind of dull feminine stereotype you can think of…! So, to make a long story short, I’d play Halo with you, and let you touch my boobs! And make you a sandwich…
JUST LOVE ME, PLEASE!

Whatever.

At their given time, they will learn, just like I did, that there’s no such thing as “your typical kind of girl”. If there is, a pair of converse, The Smiths discography or, even, a taste for anal, won’t suffice to sent them apart from the rest.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Seductive As Hell

fordummies 

  • Sooner or later, I will confess my long time wish of watching
    “The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”.

Wrong Answer
”Good for you”
”Really? Isn’t awful?”
”How could a tomato kill a person? Is it, like, about mortal diarrhea?”
”I’m sorry, what? I was too busy being boring”

Right Answer
Enthusiasm and a link to watch it online in my inbox

  • Speak in a British accent.
  • Be awesome.