Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A Horse is At Least Human for God’s Sake

a.k.a British Man’s entry

*Any views or opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent Lola Dahl’s… Howeeever, click here first<3

[you already know what to do...]No, I don't. Tell me. Plzkthx?
Pants, then trousers. There's a good chap.

What is your favorite thing about your body? Your least favorite?
My favourite thing about my body is the way it (along with just a few words, and perhaps a momentary touch with barely two fingertips) can make Lola slide off her seat. I have no least favourite thing: I am consistently awesome.
If you meant favourite part of my body, it's my hands; I can do all sorts of neat tricks with them.

What do you think about during sex?
How long it'll be before the neighbours inevitably call the police again.
hi, click click

What is your favorite sex position?
Doggystyle. Makes her easier to hold down.

How big is your, uh, ego? Cut or uncut? Clean shaven or wild? Pandas or platypuses? Beer or hard alcohol? Favourite brand of condoms? Apples or oranges? How many questions do I get to ask? Do you mind if I keep going?Favourite book series? Favorite quote? Last time you laughed? Last time you cried? What turns you on? What turns you off? What's your favourite curse word? Was that enough? Should I continue? I'll write more later...
Brobdingnagian. Uncut. Trimmed. Platypuses. Currently teetotal. Durex. Apples. As many as you like. Please do. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. "We can't stop here, this is bat country!". The last time I said something hilarious. The last time I said something poignant. Everything that isn't Megan Fox. Megan Fox. 'Megan Fox'. Almost. Oh god yes. Wait- where are you going..?
click!click!

How do you feel when you're with Lola? (And, not the answer that makes me laugh because you're such a pervert, the one that makes me say d'awwwww.)
Tingly.
here, boy, click!

How does it feel dating a sexy, pervy goddess like lola?
I often find myself feeling sad for everyone who isn't - in which case I usually cheer myself up by having sex with Lola.
click on me, babe

Where do babies come from?
Ask yer mum.

Why...so...british?(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdTH-R5X3aA)
Because; vagina.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WziyFLzOS_4)

Do you want vjagra? only $0.33!
Call now!
If it's your birthday, give her a party night!
Hello, I would be very intrested to purchasing your product!!! I would want to deposite $300,000.0 in you're account, if you would reply with your bank details I would make a transfer. I am looking forward to our partnership!!!!!
- Prince Ouannah Shagyermuhm

yellow Just a random yellow question yellow:
What yellow is yellow your yellow favourite colour?
Yellow. Seriously.

Hi, do you consider having a threesome?
What would your Spanish/Mexican girl would have to do for you to stop talking to her?
Have you been mean to her?
Would you ever consider marrying her?
Would you adopt kids?
Do you masturbate everyday?
Do you like your penis?
How dirty are you?
I love your woman..
I love her boobs.
Ok that's it :)
Hi, yes I often consider having a threesome - I might share my Lola with another girl someday, if she promises to play nice...
Duct-tape my mouth.
Does erotic physical punishment count as mean?
There aren't many things I wouldn't at least consider doing with her.
Not unless they were extremely quiet, inoffensive smelling, and trained to make excellent espresso.
Only on days of the week that end with a Y.
Not as much as Lola does.
When I go outside, I wear shoes to keep the ground clean.
I know you do.
Trust me; they're magnificent.
Thanks for playing :)

If you and Lola got married, what would your life together be like?
I like to think it would involve more pancakes.
here click

There are twelve monkehs after Lola;
One has cheesy eyes, there's one with a tiny little dagger, then there's one which has an awful lot of books piled up next to him, and who wears sleazy glasses, then there's this monkeh with thick fur, and the red one, that is very loud. There's a very large monkey, the size of a Gorilla, or twice that maybe, and there's one with a sniper rifle. It seems to treat it like an ordinary banana though. Finally, there is one monkey that seemed to have drowned about a week ago, and there's another one without pupils in his eyes. And the last one, he doesn't have any teeth, but he whispers aloud all the time.
The monkeys are in her room. What do you do?
More importantly; what happened to the other two monkeys?
click

The judge is about to speak up his verdict on your case. Your phone buzzes in your pocket. It is Lola. Do you take her?
Often. But I prefer to call it 'semi-consensual sex'.

It is almost Christmas. Your mailbox is littered with Christmas cards. After opening a few, you find a condom in it, opened but unused. Before you look at the card that comes with it, who do you assume is the sender?
Yer mum again, most likely.

Your mom baked a pie. Lola doesn't like it. You know your mom is sensitive about the situation. What do you say to your mom?
"Mum, I'd like you to meet Lola..."

It rains outside. Lola is out on her own. Do you worry?
Nah, she's waterproof.

You take a shower. Suddenly, the water goes cold. Someone must have opened a hot tap, somewhere in your house. Was it the cleaner, or was it Lola?
If she's dressed in her French maid outfit, it might technically have been both.

You buy a new car. Who picks the new color?
Me. If by new you mean old and by car you mean motorcycle. Racing green.

There is a weird smell in the basement. You hear footsteps. A man comes up, wearing stinky sneakers. At what time do you start thinking about Lola?
I don't have a basement, I'm British.
 you know you want to click here.

A meteorite heads for Earth. It destroys mankind, except for you and Lola. How many years until we're at six billion people again?
In theory you'd need 16 breeding pairs at the very least to successfully renew the human species from scratch. I don't think Lola and I have quite that many distinct roleplay characters and sexy costumes.

You are left in a forest, on your own, without equipment, naked. There is no civilization anywhere within 50 years walking. How long till you can call Lola?
Depends what I feel like calling her.

You are having great sex. Where's Lola?
Under the other girl.

You are having great sex, with Lola. You feel Nad's urges coming through your own feelings, teeming with death and sorrow. Do you abort?
You make it sound like it's a simple feat, disengaging the drive shaft whilst simultaneously signaling the midget to turn off the Norwegian folktronica and get the alpaca back in it's cage. The last time I tried that, safety harness almost broke, and I got jam in my hair.
aaaand, click!

You look out the window, to see Lola waiting for the bus. A main walking his dog passes her. His dog pees against her boots. What do you do?
Most likely witness her mug the man, steal his dog, and inevitably dress it up in little hats.
one more click, come on

A man touches Lola. She hits him. He continues. You try to do something, but apparently it is only a video tape. You worry. An envelope folded into a paper plane hits you in the temple. You can't see where it came from. Your temple bleeds. Describe your state of being in 430 words.
Horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny
and I could do with another cup of tea.
last click, really

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Wide Awake

wideawake

I still have questions I’m pretty excited to answer, but, since I’m going through a mental breakdown, I need someone to entertain British Man (he’s adorable, just like a lost puppy), and to entertain you while I’m gone (you guys are adorable too).

There’s a whole new survey, on this link, just for him to answer questions or insults. Same stuff you know, anonymity/answers on a new entry/blah blah.. He’s damn entertaining, but I may not be completely objective, since I’m sleeping with him, so, find it out by yourselves.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Fifty Million Dead Cigars; Part 2

Y U NO post updates? :)
I could come up with a lot of crap involving family, school work, a cryptic “personal issues” or a dog eating something… But I’d go with the honest “I just didn’t feel like it”.

Sexy Ones

where do you prefer to receive cum?
Oh, dear… I rewrote this answer way too many times already. Wherever I feel like it in the moment. I don’t know. Leave me alone! I don’t like questions in which I have to think.

Strangest thing that ever went in to your vagina?
I’m not that kind of girl… I’d say a tampon, dildo, or a funny man’s penis.

Do you swallow? In the case of a positive answer, do you do it because you like the taste of it or just because?
I do… Because is fucking sexy. I’d expand on that but it’s always hard to explain a simple turn on.

What's the most common mistake people make mid-sex that turns you off --- if people don't make mistakes in bed with you often, make one up.
I have to say that most simple mistakes can be easily forgiven if the guy is showing enthusiasm. The second I’d start feeling he’s not completely enjoying the show would be a big turn off.

what kind of underwear do you have for sexy time?
Underwear is expensive and I’m a student, I can’t go around buying panties for special use only. I just wear cute regular panties; he’s going to take them off anyway.

do you let guys cum in your mouth even if it is the first time you have sex with them?
It’s not a general rule I have… If I feel like it, I’d do it. If not… Well, you get the drift.

"...And then add two more I’ve never mentioned."
you really like talking about your sexlife, why you never wrote about these 2 guys?

They weren’t very pleasant experiences and I don’t enjoy talking about it.

Would you fuck a guy in the ass with a strap-on?
It’s not on my “FUCK NO!1” list, but it’s not really a turn on, either. If he wants me to do it, hell, I can try everything once.

Your threesome: two guys, two girls, one of each? Same for your foursome?
One of each; both paying attention to me because I’m a princess!
If I’m ever in a foursome, I’d like it to be with another couple without swinging… Maybe a make out with the other girl for the sake of giving a nice show.

have you ever done cosplay for sex? and if you did, what was your costume?
Cosplay means dressing up as an specific character, right? Not really, just as a catholic school girl.

How did the overly anticipated sex extravaganza meet your expectations?
The only way BritishMan wouldn’t meet my expectations is by not showing up… Or, you know, killing me or something freaky like that.

My Irrelevant Life

Going to Mexico any time soon, since not for the holidays?
This summer, hopefully.

The best present you have even received?
I thought about going for a really cute speech about the importance of the intention behind the gift…
Then, I remembered the amount of times, each and every member of my family was forced to watch Barbie shop at the supermarket: http://www.amazon.com/Barbie-7573-Supermarket-No/dp/B001CB3Z6M

The best present you have ever given?
My virtue, the rest of the guys have just been receiving sweaters…
See, this would be so much funny if there were Gilmore Girls fans amongst the audience.
*Credit for the joke

Favourite movie?
People are going to get tired of hearing me ramble about Titanic at some point.

Philosophy and Stuff

-The penis is...
a)a male sex organ
b)inverted pogo stick
c)inside __________
d)all of the above

a) a male sex organ :D…
What? It is! It is! We are all grown-ups here.

What is love?
Oh, baby, don’t hurt me. No more.

-Love is like a?
You know, I know someone upstairs who has the same existential problems you do.

Stealing my Spotlight

Do you mind that I hacked into your cybersex feed by BM? (honestly, not me, but someone likely did)
Did you, at least, jacked off to it? He’s good, isn’t he? <3

Can we cuddle for awhile?
Sure, sweetie <3 but it is just cuddles, ok? Don’t get any funny ideas.

Do you know where I can get porn featuring rough hard sex without the endless whipping and such? I simply want to see a girl get fucked hard while the guy is pulling on her hair and/or has a hand around his throat. Yet, that seems vry hard to find on the internet.
omg. We should start our own porn company; I have the same tragic problem… If it’s not the traditional in-out-done, I get purple breasts and pissing.

Misconception of what a question is

Random pic of one nude piece of your body, play the guess-the-part game.
:*

You didn't answer any of my questions (like I give a shit if you'll do it after your exams - that's just procrastinating procrastinating), use any of my blog topics, take up my offer of a British guy and your replies to my emails were one line and clearly a box ticking exercise.
SO SCREEEEEEEW YOU FUCKTOY....
I do have a question though; How the fuck can you get lost in Liverpool Street Station, or was that just a lie that you thought (correctly) may result in dick?

Ok, ok, I didn’t really get lost in the Liverpool Street Station; I got lost in London, but I assumed telling the poor guy I was inside a red telephone box would be too ambiguous… So we set an easy meeting point for me. I already knew I was going to get dick <3 there was no need to make up a lie.
Oh, also, this.

Side note on your answer to rimming: I don't need a girls tongue or fingers near my ass, neither do they need to lick my hairy flat nipples, but I'll do it to her in a heartbeat if I fell she'll enjoy it. Not all sex actions have to be reciprocated.
Aw <3 I like nice guys.
I do enjoy some kind of anal stimulation but, because of all the things that go on down there, I don’t find it particularly sexy; I’d keep it as impersonal as possible. Small toys, for example.

To be continued…

Saturday, January 7, 2012

You Said You Were Sagittarius

Last night, I had a dream we were inseparably entwined, like a piece of rope made out of two pieces of vine; held together; holding each other with no one else in mind, like two atoms in a molecule:
inseparably combined.
Then, I woke from the dream to realize I was alone… A tragic event, I must admit, but let's not be overblown.
I'm gonna try to write a love song, just a sad, pathetic moan.
Maybe I just need change.
Now I look at love like being stabbed in the heart; you torture each other from day to day and then, one day, you part. Most of the time it's misery, but there's some joy at the start and, for that, I'd say…
It's worth it.
If love is just a game, then, how come it is no fun?
I guess,
maybe, it's possible, I might be playing it wrong.

 

2 Atoms In A Molecule
Noah & The Whale