Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A Horse is At Least Human for God’s Sake

a.k.a British Man’s entry

*Any views or opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent Lola Dahl’s… Howeeever, click here first<3

[you already know what to do...]No, I don't. Tell me. Plzkthx?
Pants, then trousers. There's a good chap.

What is your favorite thing about your body? Your least favorite?
My favourite thing about my body is the way it (along with just a few words, and perhaps a momentary touch with barely two fingertips) can make Lola slide off her seat. I have no least favourite thing: I am consistently awesome.
If you meant favourite part of my body, it's my hands; I can do all sorts of neat tricks with them.

What do you think about during sex?
How long it'll be before the neighbours inevitably call the police again.
hi, click click

What is your favorite sex position?
Doggystyle. Makes her easier to hold down.

How big is your, uh, ego? Cut or uncut? Clean shaven or wild? Pandas or platypuses? Beer or hard alcohol? Favourite brand of condoms? Apples or oranges? How many questions do I get to ask? Do you mind if I keep going?Favourite book series? Favorite quote? Last time you laughed? Last time you cried? What turns you on? What turns you off? What's your favourite curse word? Was that enough? Should I continue? I'll write more later...
Brobdingnagian. Uncut. Trimmed. Platypuses. Currently teetotal. Durex. Apples. As many as you like. Please do. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. "We can't stop here, this is bat country!". The last time I said something hilarious. The last time I said something poignant. Everything that isn't Megan Fox. Megan Fox. 'Megan Fox'. Almost. Oh god yes. Wait- where are you going..?
click!click!

How do you feel when you're with Lola? (And, not the answer that makes me laugh because you're such a pervert, the one that makes me say d'awwwww.)
Tingly.
here, boy, click!

How does it feel dating a sexy, pervy goddess like lola?
I often find myself feeling sad for everyone who isn't - in which case I usually cheer myself up by having sex with Lola.
click on me, babe

Where do babies come from?
Ask yer mum.

Why...so...british?(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdTH-R5X3aA)
Because; vagina.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WziyFLzOS_4)

Do you want vjagra? only $0.33!
Call now!
If it's your birthday, give her a party night!
Hello, I would be very intrested to purchasing your product!!! I would want to deposite $300,000.0 in you're account, if you would reply with your bank details I would make a transfer. I am looking forward to our partnership!!!!!
- Prince Ouannah Shagyermuhm

yellow Just a random yellow question yellow:
What yellow is yellow your yellow favourite colour?
Yellow. Seriously.

Hi, do you consider having a threesome?
What would your Spanish/Mexican girl would have to do for you to stop talking to her?
Have you been mean to her?
Would you ever consider marrying her?
Would you adopt kids?
Do you masturbate everyday?
Do you like your penis?
How dirty are you?
I love your woman..
I love her boobs.
Ok that's it :)
Hi, yes I often consider having a threesome - I might share my Lola with another girl someday, if she promises to play nice...
Duct-tape my mouth.
Does erotic physical punishment count as mean?
There aren't many things I wouldn't at least consider doing with her.
Not unless they were extremely quiet, inoffensive smelling, and trained to make excellent espresso.
Only on days of the week that end with a Y.
Not as much as Lola does.
When I go outside, I wear shoes to keep the ground clean.
I know you do.
Trust me; they're magnificent.
Thanks for playing :)

If you and Lola got married, what would your life together be like?
I like to think it would involve more pancakes.
here click

There are twelve monkehs after Lola;
One has cheesy eyes, there's one with a tiny little dagger, then there's one which has an awful lot of books piled up next to him, and who wears sleazy glasses, then there's this monkeh with thick fur, and the red one, that is very loud. There's a very large monkey, the size of a Gorilla, or twice that maybe, and there's one with a sniper rifle. It seems to treat it like an ordinary banana though. Finally, there is one monkey that seemed to have drowned about a week ago, and there's another one without pupils in his eyes. And the last one, he doesn't have any teeth, but he whispers aloud all the time.
The monkeys are in her room. What do you do?
More importantly; what happened to the other two monkeys?
click

The judge is about to speak up his verdict on your case. Your phone buzzes in your pocket. It is Lola. Do you take her?
Often. But I prefer to call it 'semi-consensual sex'.

It is almost Christmas. Your mailbox is littered with Christmas cards. After opening a few, you find a condom in it, opened but unused. Before you look at the card that comes with it, who do you assume is the sender?
Yer mum again, most likely.

Your mom baked a pie. Lola doesn't like it. You know your mom is sensitive about the situation. What do you say to your mom?
"Mum, I'd like you to meet Lola..."

It rains outside. Lola is out on her own. Do you worry?
Nah, she's waterproof.

You take a shower. Suddenly, the water goes cold. Someone must have opened a hot tap, somewhere in your house. Was it the cleaner, or was it Lola?
If she's dressed in her French maid outfit, it might technically have been both.

You buy a new car. Who picks the new color?
Me. If by new you mean old and by car you mean motorcycle. Racing green.

There is a weird smell in the basement. You hear footsteps. A man comes up, wearing stinky sneakers. At what time do you start thinking about Lola?
I don't have a basement, I'm British.
 you know you want to click here.

A meteorite heads for Earth. It destroys mankind, except for you and Lola. How many years until we're at six billion people again?
In theory you'd need 16 breeding pairs at the very least to successfully renew the human species from scratch. I don't think Lola and I have quite that many distinct roleplay characters and sexy costumes.

You are left in a forest, on your own, without equipment, naked. There is no civilization anywhere within 50 years walking. How long till you can call Lola?
Depends what I feel like calling her.

You are having great sex. Where's Lola?
Under the other girl.

You are having great sex, with Lola. You feel Nad's urges coming through your own feelings, teeming with death and sorrow. Do you abort?
You make it sound like it's a simple feat, disengaging the drive shaft whilst simultaneously signaling the midget to turn off the Norwegian folktronica and get the alpaca back in it's cage. The last time I tried that, safety harness almost broke, and I got jam in my hair.
aaaand, click!

You look out the window, to see Lola waiting for the bus. A main walking his dog passes her. His dog pees against her boots. What do you do?
Most likely witness her mug the man, steal his dog, and inevitably dress it up in little hats.
one more click, come on

A man touches Lola. She hits him. He continues. You try to do something, but apparently it is only a video tape. You worry. An envelope folded into a paper plane hits you in the temple. You can't see where it came from. Your temple bleeds. Describe your state of being in 430 words.
Horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny horny
and I could do with another cup of tea.
last click, really

15 comments:

  1. "In theory you'd need 16 breeding pairs at the very least to successfully renew the human species from scratch. I don't think Lola and I have quite that many distinct roleplay characters and sexy costumes."

    You better get working on it, all of humanity is depending on you.

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    Replies
    1. I’d be kind of depressed for a couple days to put on my naughty nun costume… Because everyone I knew died and stuff…

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    2. Yeah, maybe a black slinky dress would be more appropriate for mourning.

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    3. Nah, she's always a nurse in the morning. To make sure I get my daily 'treatment' :D

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    4. another cup of tea? ;)

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  2. As an offering saluting your co-awesomeness, please accept this video of an alpaca. (Safe clickie, I promise!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Pw1oEdssJ0Y#!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We got off to that… Thank you very much

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  3. Interesting! Thank you for asking man.

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  4. Aww! What awesome answers! Love it!

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  5. It rains outside. Lola is out on her own. Do you worry?

    Wrong answer: "Waterproof"

    Right answer: "She's already wet anyway"

    Just sain'-randombnunymomment-

    ReplyDelete