Thursday, March 8, 2012

A Beautiful Reciprocal Arrangement

Dear ‘First Real Crush’,

Thank you for teaching me, at a really young age, how fucking useless is to long for a guy who isn’t interested in me.

Lola ‘no hard feelings for one of my oldest friends’ Dahl

P.S. I bet you hate I grew up to be such a hottie <3

Dear ‘First Kiss’ Guy,

Since you came along, I never again confused a hot make out with actual care. Thank you for the cynicism.

Lola ‘my first kiss was quite hardcore’ Dahl

P. S. You had an awful taste in music.

Dear Whatshisname,

Being born as an ‘emotional slut’, I was due to get disappointed constantly… And even though I still get attached easily, the thicker skin you gave me reminds me I’ll always be able to get through guy problems. 

Lola ‘Reading through my old blog I noticed
my spelling got so much better after him, coincidence?’

P. S. Love is, in fact, blind. You were really ugly.

Dear Friend with Benefits n°1,

Thank you for letting me know I’m the kind of idiot who has a hard time differentiating between love and lust.

Lola ‘it was lust’ Dahl

P.S. You were even uglier than the last one. I had no standards.

Dear Ex,

Sometimes, no matter how much you care about someone, you grow apart from them.  It doesn’t mean that what it was once shared wasn’t special or real, it just means that people change, just as feelings do… And that’s okay.

Lola ‘this is slowly turning into a Whitney Houston song’ Dahl

P.S. What kind of bitch would I be if I now insulted a guy who put up with me through more than 3 years of constant PMS?

Dear Friend with Benefits n°2,

Some experiences, just for the sake of having them, are not worth it. I’ll never forget that.

Lola ‘what a fucking jerk he was’ Dahl

P.S. With that ego of yours, one would think you’d have a bigger cock.

Dear Dude,

I’ve been listing past ‘relationships’ that have made a significant impact on my life and that, through time, I grew to appreciate as an experience. You, however, are not one of them. Either way, I decided to send you a letter too because, through the short time we dated, you served me as an excuse to reach out to girls I now consider awesome friends. Thank you for that.

Lola ‘I’m so glad I didn’t deflowered him’ Dahl

P.S. I have nothing to add for you. We can go back to pretend we don’t know each other.


  1. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you expected.

  2. Fact: All girls are crazy and all guys are assholes. The difference between a "good" one and a "bad" one is simply the degree.

  3. what kind of experiences did you have with friend with benefits no 2?

    1. Sorry, hon… For some reason I really hate talking about this, even with the people I trust the most.