Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Sex is Something I Just Don't Understand; pt3

As you may had notice (which is not the same thing as ‘cared’, I’m aware), I’ve been absent these past weeks. I had a very hard week of finals followed by a very sexy one of British Man, during which I was able to finish ‘50 shades of Grey’. Dramatic readings included.

Again, I don’t feel like telling you what happened point by point, mainly because nothing really did. Ana and Christian have unrealistic and stiffed conversations, fight, have sex and, at some point, have a family dinner, but that’s about it. The book ends with them breaking up which, if that was indeed the end of it, I’d have thought the story was saved: two people who share sexual attraction can’t work through their differences. It’s not a Jane Austen but it would’ve given it a sense of realism. Nope. There are two more novels in which they get back together, a sister gets kidnapped and they have two kids, in that order… At least that’s what a housewife wrote on her blog; there’s no way I’ll waste more time reading this. The BDSM issue gets tossed aside, making me feel a bit cheated, it was the reason I was drawn into the books for fuck’s sake! I was, in fact, expecting a crappy book, but at the very least, a crappy book about a D/s relationship. This is a very simple book about a rich, handsome and mentally unstable man who gets saved by this “girl next door” persona, oh,  and they have sex. I haven’t even read Danielle Steele but I can assure you, you’d be better off reading Danielle Steele.

At this point there are a thousand blogs criticizing this book; I’ve stumbled into some dedicated solely to correcting its grammar. I’ll use my final entry on the subject to concentrate only on what bugged me the most: the portrayal of BDSM.

Disclaimer: I’m aware this is just a Twilight fan fiction and the author is in her whole right to write on her wet dreams however she pleases; this is not the end of the world… But if I don’t make a big deal out of things I have no blog left!

The author made it pretty clear through her novels she is not only clueless about BDSM, but she is also repulsed by it. She demonized a world she’s very ignorant about.  I’ve already messed around with Christian “I can make girls cum by just pronouncing their names” Grey enough times, so let’s get started with him and get it over with. Through the first book we are told over and over he’s a sicko for wanting to spank women, later in the series we get explained why (let’s thank the housewife again for this information): his birth mother was a crack whore who abused him; he grew up wanting girls who looked like her (Ana being one) to beat the shit out of them and later on, have sex with them… I guess the author took some Freud 101 class. 

I’m pretty sure there’s a reason I grew up to be the way I am. I guess I wasn’t born being a submissive for an English man, something must have happened to make me into it. I have two older brothers, an overprotective father… I’m sure I would be a fun psychological exercise to resolve, but fuck you very much. Do it and I’ll paint a straight line between your mom and your girlfriend’s nipples. However, I had a nice childhood in a loving family that always told me I could do whatever I set my mind into. Since I’m a nice person and I don’t torture little animals in my spare time I consider myself a mentally stable person who likes it when, the guy she’s been with for a year now, grabs her by her throat and whispers into her ear that’s she’s his property. For a book that’s liberating women sexually is making me look like a girl with daddy issues.

Now, my sweet little Ana is not getting away so easily this time…

(I didn’t want to mention 'I’m currently reading ‘The Story of O’ since these 2 books have very little in common other than being kinky novels; also, I’m only half way through it, one of the characters could turn into a sparkling vampire and ruin the whole thing. However, it would help me get my two next points across.)

point no.1 It’s not about orgasms. I think. There are girls who are multi-hyper-mega orgasmic, I know and I’m happy for them. I really am. I, on the other hand, have to work for my supper. I’ve realized I get most of my pleasure out of the brain-fucking and helplessness; sex could get a bit painful or uncomfortable, not get to cum and still be the most satisfactory experience ever. Orgasms are just the cherry on top. The sex scenes in ‘50’ could’ve been enjoyable but dear Ana came all over them. I think it’s interesting that ‘O’ never really describes having an orgasm; she moans and enjoys it but never mentions exploding into a ball of pleasure, I’m pretty sure she did, multiple times, but it’s not a reliable way of rating the experience.  This is, again, about me feeling a bit cheated by this book that was supposed to be so about “omg bondage and stuff”, it didn’t even capture a nice quality of it. It just did what regular porn has been doing this whole time: pretend girls cum by the simple touch of a penis.

point no.2 There’s this scene in the book where she ask him to beat her with a belt because she wanted to know how much it could hurt. In the middle of the session she stood up, called him a sick individual and left. Far from me to defend Christian, you just don’t do this. This is not a “you go, girl!” moment; you don’t ask your partner to do something for you and then insult them when they do. Also, your safe-word is your friend. 

Incidents like this one are bound to happen when you don’t really want to go into a certain scene and just do it to please a pretty man. Ana freaks out after every spanking session and thinks it’s a degrading experience, meanwhile, we have O who get fucked mouth, ass and pussy by a bunch of strangers who then beat the shit out of her in front of her lover. O feels beautiful, empowered and proud of being an object for her man to own and share. I’m definitely not saying “show off your feminism getting gang-banged, girlfriend!” No. If you don’t like getting spanked it doesn’t make  you a coward or a less fascinating person. It doesn’t make you anything other than a person who doesn’t like spanks and who shouldn’t get them.

I guess my main problem with the whole novel is that Ana and Christian never seemed to fulfill each other, with or without the kink. I never really got how could this be considered romance. I’m not an avid member of the BDSM community; I’m quite conservative by their parameters, but I’m able to appreciate the beauty on what they do, while the author of ‘50 shades’ can’t. The book deals with two individuals who get massively scared and insecure every time the other person interacts with someone of the opposite sex while there’s this other couple who is actively having sex with others and don’t get hurt by it because they know they love each other and the rest of the people are just instruments in their games.

What I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t matter if you’re not into getting your ass whipped; if you just have sex with girls that remind you of your mommy; if you want your boyfriend’s friends to bang you under his supervision or you want your friends to bang your girlfriend… It’s about not feeling pity for your- damn- fucking-self.

You know what? No. What I really want to say is that I’ve read Harry Potter fiction that had me hotter than this book (man, do I wish I was kidding!) but it doesn’t really matter, because you don’t publish fan fiction. Jeez!




  1. Yay, a new post! It's been a while but I understand. At least you update your tumbler account every so often so I know you have not fallen off the face of the earth.

    From what your post have told me about 50SoG I am beginning to wonder about the people who love the book. Whether they are closet sex slaves, or whether they are just not happy with their plain vanilla sex lives and want to do more (maybe not to the extent of 50SoG).

    I understand sex is a very individual thing, it's a mix of anatomy and mentality. What might be pleasurable to someone might be painful to another or what might turn one person on will turn another person off. I don't think you have to damaged to want to explore the realms of sex or intimacy, you just need an open mind and a partner you can trust. You never know what you are going to love/ hate unless you try it. But that's my two cents. Keep on doing what your doing, it always makes my day when I get to read what you have been up to even if it take a few weeks to update.

    P.S. My wife is one of those "multi-hyper-mega orgasmic" woman, so I know they exist. Now if only she was as sex driven as you (claim to be), she would be perfect.

    P.P.S. I hope you get to spend lots of time with your "Sir" this summer. Don't be afraid to fill us in on any interesting details. ;)

  2. I’ll be going back to Mexico for the summer, so my Sir will have the chance to reestablish a closer relationship with his hand.
    …But back to 50 shades, what I have found out “from all my research” (it makes “3 hours in front of a computer reading blogs” sound fancy) people don’t care that much for the sexy part of the story. A lot of them confessed skipping those parts, not because “ew, sex” but because they were not even that great. They just liked the love story, and while I’m a sucker for a nice fictitious couple, I don’t really dig stories that are just about their love. This poor book didn’t stand a chance on the first place