Thursday, July 5, 2012

Dixieland and Whorehouse

Don’t you think I haven’t notice that, with all of these sexy entries (fictitious or not) I’ve left out to update you on my normal and monotonous life. Next semester I won’t be coming back to the dorms I currently live in (I still don’t know know how nuns could let such a cock-sucking atheist join, in the first place). I'm moving to my very own apartment (and by that I mean an apartment my parents are paying) which I’ll be sharing with 2 other friends: Muffin and a girl we will be calling Barbie (because she’s tall, blonde and perfect).

In the first instance, we will be welcoming anyone who’s not a thief, rapist, murderer or Jehovah’s Witness (unless you agree to keep your dirty laundry at home and are great at compliments) but here are some points to consider:

  1. We reserve the right to refuse admission.
  2. Welcome gifts are accepted.
    Here are some of ideas: cake, wine vodka, a house cleaner, sex toys*, a book shelf, free Wi-Fi, etc. 
    apartment1
  3.  If you were looking to have sex in our premises, let me bring down that fantasy for you: we are three (3) very much taken girls by, as far as I know, three (3) guys who are filling their role (pun very intended) satisfactorily.
    apartment2
  4. Woman in the apartment below: No, we are not the ones playing reggaeton, we are too busy having taste.
  5. Woman in the apartment below, again: Yes, that moaning does come from here… My friend gets really excited with her Physics homework. I’ll tell them her to keep it down.
  6. Telemarketing salesman: I’m sorry… I’m 17 years-old, no, there’s no adult available. Yeah. I’m sorry.
    apartment3

27 comments:

  1. "Welcome gifts are accepted.
    Here are some of ideas: cake, wine vodka, a house cleaner, sex toys*, a book shelf, free Wi-Fi, etc."

    So apparently there is going to be some kick ass house warming party. I don't think I'll be able to make it, but where should I send my gift?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For a second you made me want to open a new account on Amazon solely so people on the internet could buy me stuff. Oh. What I’d give to be famous and egocentric.

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    2. I wonder what assortment of gifts you would get from your followers?

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  2. Well, the cake, vodka, book shelf and free wifi get to be enjoyed by guests (so is the existence of a house cleaner).
    So what happens when I bring sex toys* ? (and what does the * resolve to?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. >:[
      I won’t lend you my sex toys.

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    2. Oh, come on!
      It's not for me, it's for your enjoyment!
      How else can I show you that I'm very skilled at tetris?

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  3. As a general rule, sex toys for men are very lame, and guys aren't going to turn to them for relief. They'll use their hand like they always did.. . You can't be sure that your guy won't cheat on you, other than just knowing them well and trusting them. Giving them a toy won't keep him from straying.. . Even if you gave an adult film to him and a bottle of hand lotion, it won't make one iota of difference. What you can do is direct him to a place where he can read erotic fiction, such as www.storiesonline.net. . You need to have confidence in your ability to keep your man happy, so that he won't even think about straying, and he is willing to wait for the next time he can love you.
    Also see my web site > read more

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, this is cool. I get very personalized spam.
      I swear, until I saw the link I thought this was a legitimate comment. This is so relevant it’s freaky, ok, almost… I know how I keep a man entertain without sending him to a website.

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  4. The tapered anal butt plug in your drawing was a nice touch. It does tell me something about you, though. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cool you noticed <3 I was hoping for someone pointing it out.
      The only thing it tells you about me is that I want one... Hee!

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    2. Well maybe you SHOULD open the Amazon account you mentioned above... perhaps you might get one. ;-)

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    3. Oh, don't get me excited because I'd do it.

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    4. I think you should... I'd get you one. ;-)

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    5. Believe me, if I thought I was famous enough, I'd do it <3

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  5. Hey Lola, do you know approximately how many followers you have? It's a really fun blog, I definitely enjoy reading your entries.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You mean on this site, right? Not on tumblr.
      Well, the amount at the right, 109... I'm guessing that some people who read my blog don't follow it, and half that follow it don't read it.
      (:

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  6. Greetings! Very useful advice in this particular article!
    It's the little changes that produce the greatest changes. Many thanks for sharing!
    Feel free to visit my web page ... emo wear

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Uh... This time the spam wasn't that impressively accurate.

      Delete
  7. Y U NO MAKE NEW POSTS? ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ugh, I'm sorry... Summer has been distracting me. I'm back home and too busy being lazy.
      I'm working on an entry, though. It's nice to know someone is interested <3 <3 really nice, indeed!

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    2. Yep, we're here and waiting. We see signs of life on tumblr and keep hoping for another post.

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    3. At least you knew I wasn't dead... That must count for something. Right?

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    4. Well, the whole reading 50SOG could have had a delayed terminal side-effect, so there was a worry.

      That redhead on your tumblr was stunning.

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    5. Oh man, she really was <3
      I'd do unspeakable things to her.

      Delete