Saturday, February 14, 2015

i am clearly the greatest kisser in the history of the universe

I’m not sure how I feel about Valentine’s Day. I know I didn’t use to like it when I was a teenager. But then again, I didn’t use to like anything but crappy punk-ish music when I was teenager. It’s a tough holiday to like; you don’t get a number of days off so you can travel and/or see your family; you don’t get to dress up in a costume and get drunk on either cheap vodka or cheap candy. Nope. Valentine’s instead carries a lot of insecurities and more red than I’m comfortable with.

I have a few updates, but not about my life. That would imply I have some sort of social life, which we all know would terrify my very introverted self. One of my roommate is sleeping with a guy in our building. He is 12 years older than her, and is in a relationship with a clueless woman. Another roommate (let’s call her Roomie2) recently broke up with her boyfriend, or better said, he broke up with her. I’ve been a witness to various stages of grief, including “but I love him” and “but I hate him”. There’s also this friend, whom via WhatsApp came out to me. I’m sure this chanting about living in a more tolerant world is not as convincing when you’re one of the faces of the movement. Last and least, 50 Shades of Grey is out today, and I won’t be watching it… Okay, I will watch it eventually, who am I kidding, but I won’t be paying for it.

It’s hard to put all these subjects into a single short entry, and I’m already sensing how I’m digging myself into a hole. I can blab 2000 words about a can of tuna if I feel like it, let alone love conundrums (is “conundrum” a cool word? My first language is not English so I get my vocabulary from YouTube videos). Even though, I have built this blog out of my ability to write entries which could be summarized in a couple of sentences, but I don’t see the point of doing it right now. Instead, I will actually write the reader’s digest version:

“You should be free to like/love/sleep with whoever you want. Actually, no, I changed my mind. Roomie number 1/Anastasia Steele/50 Shades fans: not Him; He is an asshole. And sometimes the person you want to like/love/sleep with doesn’t want to like/love/sleep with you back, and I don’t have much to say other than: that sucks and I’m sorry. You will be okay, but I’m still sorry.”

My feelings on Valentine’s Day are complicated because the feeling it celebrates is a complicated one. I understand when people say they do not like it, and would rather avoid it. Maybe it’s a reminder that you can’t be with the person you want because they don’t want to be with you, or because a third group of people (who should fuck off) doesn’t want you to. Maybe it’s a day a dickhead pretends to love someone who they’ve been cheating on the rest of the year. It is a day in which Hollywood glamorizes an abusive relationship.  

Let me tell you about my Valentine’s Day, because I can’t speak from anyone’s perspective but my own. I’m home alone for the weekend, no Roomie1, no Roomie2. There is brownie in the fridge. I have no plans for tonight other than finishing this post and wait for my boyfriend to get online. It is sort of sad that I have a wonderful guy who wants to spend this day with me, but can’t because he’s 1151.47 km away.  But he was 1151.47 km away yesterday too, and that’s okay. The good outweighs the bad, and I wouldn’t be in this relationship if it didn’t.

Valentine’s Day, just like life, is whatever you want to make of it. If people want to be depressed about their current situation, I guess all I can say is that I hope their situation changes by 12AM.